IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay: History Subject

Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Recently, it is often argued that History (1) is an important school’s subject, but other believe
that, in the modern world, there are more important subject (2) than History like Science and
Technology. This essay will discuss both aspects and draw my personal opinion.

In one hand, History subject could have some advantages for students (3). The first one, learning History could help us avoiding other mistakes. For instance, Thomas Edison had failed 999 times in order to invent the first bulb in the world. However, it become more easier to make a bulb now. The second point, History subject considered as an enjoyable subject. Despite the other subjects, History is different. (4) It includes stories which could be fun unlike the others.

In the other hand, other subjects could be more beneficial than History subject. The first one
is science subject. Science subject gives the students an essential knowledge that benefits
them in their live. For example, chemistry knowledge help pharmacists creating medicines.
The second one is Technology subject. Students need to learn Technology because it helps
them to adjust with the modern live. For instance, people need to learn using phones to
communicate with their friends and families.

To sum up. (5) Although History is a significant subject, there are other subjects that more important than History. Therefore, I believe that History is not as important as other subjects like Science and Technology.

 

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1. Names of subjects shouldn’t be capitalised. This mistakes can be seen throughout the text.
  2. Pay attention to auxiliary verb ‘to be’ — it is used in the plural form here and refers to a singular ‘subject’.
  3. The phrase goes ‘on one hand, on the other hand’. The preposition shouldn’t be changed.
  4. The word ‘subject’ is used too many times here. Consider using a synonym. Additionally, the idea you are describing here is not very good as argument in favour of history.
  5. You shouldn’t use introductory constructions as separate sentences

This essay in its current form doesn’t qualify for an IELTS Writing Band above 4.0, which is pretty low. The writer should practice more, as almost every aspect of this writing needs improving. Try reading other essays to see how people structure theirs, how they use set-phrases and prepositions.

IELTS Writing Task 2: Corporate Sponsorship

Some companies sponsor sport as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Popularity leading to higher revenues

People are divided in their opinion regarding whether a company will benefit from sport adverts (1) or it will cause them drawbacks. This essay takes a look at both sides of the argument and includes my perspective upon this matter.

First and foremost, sport commercials and logo inscriptions play an important role in TV broadcasts and beyond. Due to the fact that there is an increasing number of people watching sports, companies who aim to remain in the public eye offer sponsorships. These considerable sums of money can serve for future improvements. For instance, Oak Arena, a football stadium, was entirely funded by numerous accounts belonging to well-known firms such as Nike, Rolex and BCR, the latter being a chain of fitness clubs. Moreover,enterprises always pursue dramatic growths which regard the level of popularity (2). Paid partnerships are presumably the most common tool towards publicity. Nevertheless, all endeavours would have been in vain if firms had not soared their bottom line sales figure.

On the down side, not all businesses are allowed to participate in this game. Tobacco and alcohol producers represent firm exceptions of the rule for the products they provide are prohibited by athletes themselves. Therefore, since most people are trying to copy sport celebrities there is no room for consumption of unhealthy products. In addition,promoting ones business is not cheap and competition is great (3). Consequently, investments pose an enormous risk and pressure on the shoulders of CEOs. Breaking even sometimes seems unlikely to happen because everything depends on human’s unpredictable behaviour and preferences.

Considering the aforementioned, I believe a lot of thinking should be taken into account prior to making any offer. Albeit, in the majority of the cases companies succeeded in recording overwhelming profits.

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1. ‘Adverts’ is too informal, which is inconsistent with the text generally formal style. See more on formal and informal English.
  2. This sentence should be rephrased, it is unclear what exactly is meant here.
  3. In addition,promoting one’s business is not cheap and competition is big/huge/tough. — use an apostrophe when showing possession (except for its). ‘Great’ used this way has dubious meaning — it can be both big and welcome. Not a mistake here, but I would suggest using different word to avoid double meaning.

This is a very nice essay — solid and clear structure, good argumentation and fair variety in lexical and grammatical structures. The occasional inaccuracies do not mar the overall positive impression of this decent piece of writing.

IELTS Writing Task 2: High Salaries

In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Righteous thinking

People are divided in their opinion regarding whether governments should allow a small number of people to benefit from huge earnings. Instead, one suggestion aims for leveling the average household income (1). This essay takes a look at both sides of the argument.

First and foremost, citizens must understand that wealthy people and the development of their country are not directly connected. Taking for granted that rich people will distribute their wealth towards improvements in separate areas of the nation is considerably risky. Broadly speaking, people adhere to resemble genuine consumers rather than intelligent investors (2). Therefore, cases in which these residents waste their fortune for personal purposes are numerous. Apart from that influential people can lovely live their life without struggling to augment the local community (3).

Another point worth noting is the futile measure concocted by middle class people aiming for income equality. However, even though governments are entitled with the course of income flux, individual revenues can not be entirely taxed (4). Athletes and prestigious business owners can not be compelled to reduce their annual salary or bonuses. Nevertheless, higher authorities should aim for evenly spreading wealth across their country. For instance, one possible solution is supporting the poor with money collected from the rich who are willing to give a helping hand. In addition, jobs which require few qualifications should be offered perks such as cars belonging to the firm or mobile phones (5). To sum up, a nation’s status lies beneath the well-being of all of its dwellers not just the upper class.

Considering the aforementioned, it is my belief that governmental administrations need to fight for all people irrespective of their economic situation. Consequently, the best way to do so is by increasing the minimum wage and taking into account inflation.

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1. Instead, one suggestion aims at leveling the average household income — If a suggestion is aimed at something, then it is directed towards this subject (probably to somehow change the subject for the better). If you aim for something, then you literally aim at it (i.e. with a gun) to hit it.
  2. Broadly speaking, people adhere to resemble typical consumers rather than intelligent investors — I couldn’t understand the intended meaning behind ‘genuine consumers’ and changed it to fit the immediate context.
  3. Apart from that influential people can live their (carefree) life without struggling to augment the local community — ‘lovely’ here sounds too informal. Moreover, mind the adverb position in a clause — there is a great article at Cambridge dictionary website.
  4. They are usually called ‘company cars’.

The main issue with this essay is that the author attempts to use wider range of words and phrases and they do not always collocate. Like in any other language, synonyms in English all have slightly different shades of meanings that are not always interchangeable (see first two sentences of body paragraph 2).

Other than that, the essay is well-written. It is well structured and sufficiently descriptive to address all of the points in the task. At times there are slight cohesion problems that can be overcome with more exposure to reading English texts.

IELTS Writing Task 2: Online Education

Universities offer an online course for students. Do you think its a positive or negative development for students?

Learning variants

People are divided in their opinion regarding whether online courses serve for the betterment of students or,on the contrary, for the worse (1). As far as I am concerned, I strongly support the view pointing at the bright side of the argument,although there are some negative aspects. Nevertheless, my reasons will be explained in the following paragraphs.

First and foremost, the availability of online courses definitely contributes to the academic life of students with disabilities. Lacking sight or hearing should not represent a barrier towards learning and thus pursuing a university (2). Moreover, learners who can not afford public transport due to poor financial stability can also be helped through this initiative. In other words, long distances no longer pose a criterion of selection between further and secondary education (3). This online course levels the discrepancy between the opportunities a wealthy child would benefit from in comparison with a not so fortunate one. Another advantage of online teaching is the unique possibility of recording lessons for different purposes (4). For instance,one can record a difficult presentation in order to recap and fully understand all the information provided.

On the down side, hackers have become too skilled not to access these courses mainly designed to reach university students. Consequently, they might redistribute all data in exchange of a well defined sum of money, which according to the law represents an infringement of online policies (5). Furthermore, students can now skip classes or simply not attend them, because they opine it is more convenient to pay attention to the lecture from home (6). As a result, this approach will lead to decreasing satisfaction about social life and joining an entourage .

Considering the aforementioned, I still support online courses and I would certainly recommend them to any existing university or college. The advantages brought by this brilliant idea far outweigh the disadvantages.

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1. People are divided in their opinion regarding whether online courses serve for the betterment of students or,on the contrary, for the worsening (?)— I would advise sticking to similar parts of speech in the case of ‘or’ conjunction. However, even after correction the second part of the sentence sounds rather awkward. Consider making the second part of the sentence clearer by using simpler constructions:
    — … whether online courses serve to improve students’ experience or, on the contrary, make it worse. The focus here shifts towards what students’ themselves feel about the change, rather than the originally intended idea of other people’s opinion about the online course.
    — … whether online courses (serve to) produce better students or, on the contrary, fail to do so — ending the sentence with ‘worse ones’ wouldn’t look or sound good, so I opted for a slightly different phrase.
  2. Lacking sight or hearing should not represent a barrier towards learning and thus pursuing a university (degree) — ‘To pursue a university’ doesn’t convey the meaning of studying for a degree.
  3. In other words, long distances no longer are a criterion of selection between further and secondary education — ‘pose’ and ‘criterion’ do not collocate. The verb ‘pose’ is usually used with something that presents a challenge, problem, risk or something else with a negative connotation (but not everything!).
  4. Another advantage of online learning is the unique possibility of recording lessons for different purposes. — The reason I preferred ‘learning’ here is the sentence that follows this one, which develops the idea of advantages from a student’s point of view.
  5. Consequently, they might redistribute all data in exchange for a well-defined sum of money, which according to the law represents an infringement of online policies — well-defined is a compound adjective and should be hyphenated.
  6. Furthermore, students could now skip classes or simply not attend them, because they (would ) opine that it is more convenient to pay attention to the lecture from home. — Remember that we are talking about a hypothetical situation, so a use of second conditional is necessary.

A good piece of writing. All of the points were developed to sufficient extent, the structure is well-defined and. Lexical and grammar aspects are of adequate level, albeit with occasional mistakes that nonetheless do not get in the way of understanding. 

IELTS Writing Task 2: 21st Century Optimism

Many people are optimistic of the 21st century and see it as an opportunity to make positive changes to the world. To what extent do you share their optimism? What changes would you like to see in the new century?

Possible scenarios

It is often believed that the 21st century can trigger lots of improvements to the planet and not only (1) . As far as I am concerned I remain reluctant to the course of this incredible period (2).

First and foremost, throughout this century people have created and innovated to an astonishing extent. The release of computers all around the world generated an overwhelming impact to the lifestyles of many (3). Moreover, this discovery combined with later breakthroughs such as free network, cell phones and drones enabled the population to communicate in real time despite enormous distances. However, mankind also managed to create great threads to its existence (4). Nuclear bombs and climate change, although seemingly different they both share in common the same danger we are faced (5). In addition, recent economical crisis ensued in drastic drawbacks at a global scale, hence raising unemployment,crime and inequality (6). Therefore, thus far more harm was caused than creating possible solutions leading to a better world (7).

Last but not the least, my level of confidence into human’s potential still remains positive (8).Provided that we use all the supplied information and make astute decisions some changes, aiming for the better, might appear. For instance, I would like to live in an era where war represents a strange word. Conflicts in the Middle East can cease through rational thinking and peaceful agreements. Furthermore, a drastic decline in the level of pollution can take place if everybody offers help towards this cause. Lastly, my preference regards raising awareness about individual rights as a mean to reduce the gender inequality index (9).

Having the aforementioned being said the future seems blurry for our behaviour can never be precisely predicted (10).

285 words

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1. It is often believed that the 21st century can bring/bring about lots of improvements to the planet and beyond — trigger is not used with ‘improvements’. If you are unsure whether words collocate, try googling your phrase or use services like Ludwig. ‘To the planet and not only’ sounds like literal translation of something used in your own language. I have slightly altered it.
  2. As far as I am concerned I remain skeptical about the current direction of this century/period/era. — Again, I have changed the sentence the way I understood it. Why do you call the period ‘incredible’? Try to substantiate and explain your ideas unless it is clear from context.
  3. The introduction/availability of computers all around the world made an overwhelming impact on the lifestyles of many — the first part of the sentence talks about how computers became easier to get and the changes that followed it. Another collocation: to make an impact; impact normally takes the ‘on’ preposition. See the article on prepositions for the general rules to avoid making mistakes in the most basic cases.
  4. However, mankind also managed to create great threats to its existence — wrong or misspelled word. 
  5. Nuclear bombs and climate change, although seemingly different both share in common the same danger we are faced (with)/we face. — there is no need for they as the subject(s) of the sentence are present
  6. In addition, recent economic/financial crisis ensued in drastic drawbacks at a global scale, hence raising unemployment, crime and inequality —  Although economical crisis can be used, the former are much more common.
  7. Therefore, far more harm was caused than creating possible solutions leading to a better worldTherefore and thus are very close in meaning, using two together is redundant.
  8. Last but not the least, my level of confidence in human’s potential still remains high — a level can be high or low, I would avoid using ‘positive’ with it. Note the use of preposition with ‘confidence’.
  9. Lastly, I regard raising awareness about individual rights as a mean to reduce the gender inequality index — It is better to make it more personal — you regard something, not your preference.
  10. Considering the aforementioned the future seems blurry for our behaviour can never be precisely predicted — another redundancy. Avoid unnecessary word repetition whenever possible.

The key points of this essay are sufficiently developed. There is still a considerable amount of inaccuracies in terms of vocabulary and grammar which sometimes make it difficult to understand the sentence.

I would also recommend making introduction and conclusion paragraphs slightly bigger, at least three sentences each.

IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay: Increasing crime levels

In many cities crime is increasing. Why do you think this is happening? What can governments do to help reduce crime levels?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is true that the crime rate has been rising, especially in larger cities. Many factors are at the root of this serious issue. However, several researches have shown that this is mainly related to educational aspects and information. Thus, governments should tackle crime by improving educational system.

Education and information are both elements to take into account when it comes to offence. Schools and universities play a crucial role in affecting one’s behaviour as an individual and should be the places, in tandem with home, where people learn what is right and wrong and the effects of one’s behaviour on our society. For this reason, the lack of educational and preventative initiatives concerning crime may result in an increase in offences. For instance, according to several university studies, pupils attending schools where workshops about (1) civil rights and justice take place are less likely to become vandalists or robbers in the future.

Therefore, governments should promote crime-related educational activities in state schools (2). It would be also necessary to encourage companies by financial incentives to allow workers to attend training courses connected with bribery, fraud and corporate crime. Learning more about crime and the related punishments can be seen as one of the most powerful preventative measures against offence. Take the private companies operating in UK. Most employers there make sure that (3) their staff are well educated (4) about preventative measures at fighting crime and the consequences of committing offence.

To sum up, offence (5), one of the main issues in our society, is increasing in today’s world. The lack of an efficient educational system may represent one of the most significant causes of this phenomenon. Yet, governments can take action to combat crime by encouraging both institutions and enterprises to develop crime-related education programs.

297 words

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1. workshops on— ‘A workshop on something’ would be more inline with the overall highly-academical style used in the text. ‘About’ sounds a bit too colloquial here.
  2. Although not a mistake per se, this sentence would make more sentence as the last one in the previous paragraph. It would do well in summing up the ideas mentioned there.
    If you choose to move it to the previous paragraph, then you would need a new introductory sentence for this one.
  3. Take the private companies operating in UK. Most employers there make sure that — ‘that’ can be omitted here — it is a so-called ‘complementiser’. It is by no means a mistake, however I would recommend cutting down on words that do not contribute anything to the sentence. Concise writing, even though it doesn’t impact your exam mark greatly, is a nice practice to make your text more reader-friendly.
  4. their staff are well-educated — ‘well-educated’ should take a hyphen here. Think of it this way — their staff is not both physically healthy(‘well’) and professionally knowledgeable(‘educated’). They are sufficiently educated in their field of expertise.
  5. Offence. You have used the word five times throughout the essay, either come up with a synonym or restructure the phrase to avoid repeating it. Some synonyms from the top of my head:  wrongdoing, misdeed, delinquency. All have different shades of meaning, but the general notions remains the same. It is important to use synonyms for words that are used often.

This is a high-quality piece of writing. The structure is well-defined, grammar and vocabular structures are nearly impeccable and diverse. Occasional few inaccuracies do not stand in the way of understanding.

IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay: Practical skills and knowledge

In the modern world, more and more emphasis is being placed on acquisition of practical skills rather than knowledge from text books of other sources.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

Nowadays, it is common belief that people should be more concerned about practical skills rather than theoretical ones. Others disagree with this assumption. This essay will discuss the main positive and negative aspects of focusing on practise (1) instead of theory.

Generally speaking, acquiring practical skills has become essential for every job seeker. Therefore, the majority of job interviewers require from their candidates some technical experience to cover a certain position. In addition to this, internships and traineeships play a crucial role in preparing recent graduates for working life. For instance, the European program Erasmus provides a wide range of options for students aimed at gaining work experience to let them have access to the job market in an easier and faster way.

On the other hand, in-depth theoretical knowledge about the field of activity in which a potential or current worker is involved is important: without it, it is even unlikely to set objectives and targets for a company. Moreover, possessing theoretical knowledge may also affect the amount of money a worker can earn. An evidence of this can be given by the fact that having a qualification, such as a Bachelor’s Degree or a certain certificate, is almost always a requirement for doing white collar jobs (2), which are, in most cases, those with the highest salaries.

To sum up, many individuals consider acquiring practical experience more necessary than developing knowledge (3) about principles or rules. This essay discussed the main advantages and drawbacks of this statement. Whether practise plays a more vital role than theory or not, it is clear that they are both significant in modern life.   

268 words

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1. Practice— ‘practise’ is a verb, the noun is spelled with letter c — ‘practice’. See this list of words that are easy to misspell.
  2. Whitecollar —’ white-collar’ is a compound adjective and should be hyphenated
  3. Knowledge — consider finding a synonym for knowledge, such as ‘competence’, ‘expertise’ or something similar in meaning

This essay is superb. The only downside it has is the occasional vocabulary inaccuracies that should be easy to avoid with proof-reading the writing. Never underestimate the importance of proofreading.

IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay: Corporate sponsorship in sports

Some companies sponsor sport as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages.
Discuss both views and give your opinion

It is true that many enterprises fund sport teams or clubs with the aim to get publicity for themselves. Although many individuals consider this practise (1) right and correct like any other promotional material, others seem to be more sceptical. Despite this, it seems to be noticeable that the benefits behind this marketing tool far overweight (2) the negative sides.

Even though the primary aim pursued by the company sponsors is to increase their visibility, there are several social positive effects as a result of this practice. First of all, nobody would have any interest in sponsoring this kind of activities without a rise in turnover due to it. We live in a materialistic society, where most healthy activities would never be promoted for free. This means that, even if the primary aim (3) of the sponsors is advertising themselves, these companies play a significant role in encouraging people to join sport clubs and to live an active lifestyle. For instance, private companies like Rolex are essential for many football teams which could not even remain on the market (4) without their financial help.

Yet, some drawbacks concerning this practice should be taken into account. Among them, one seems to be the most relevant: the disparity of performances which can result in some cases: whenever the funds in favour of the involved sport team are modest and, by contrast, the company sponsor makes a great profit by advertising itself this way, the trade itself can be seen as unfair. However, this mainly depends on the negotiation skills of the counterparts (5).

In conclusion, whether funding sports as a way to create publicity for themselves is right or not, it is still a controversial issue. However, it is worth sharing the opinion that sponsors are almost always necessary to allow many sport clubs and teams to stay on the market.

309 words

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1. Practice— ‘practise’ is a verb, the noun is ‘practice’ — I have taken the liberty to correct this mistake in the rest of the essay. A similar case is advice(noun) and advise(verb). See the full list of tricky words in English.
  2. the benefits behind this marketing tool far outweigh the negative sides — ‘overweight’ is an adjective with a different meaning.
  3.  ‘primary aim’ is used twice in the same paragraph. Consider paraphrasing it.
  4. For instance, private companies like Rolex are essential for many football teams which could not even remain in the sports without their financial help. — ‘market’ does not fit very well to describe sports environment such as football. I would advise using something different. A more general ‘sports’ would do better, or a figurative ‘game’, e.g. ‘they wouldn’t be able to stay in the game’.
  5. Paragraph three is slightly underlength and the idea there is insufficiently developed. Consider expanding it, adding supplementary arguments or increasing its size otherwise.

This writing is of very good quality, even though there are some minor shortcomings that could be easily rectified. Both grammatical and vocabulary structures are of considerable level.

Body paragraph two seems underdeveloped. The idea could be expanded further. The essay is over 300 words long. While this is not directly punished, writing a longer essay almost inevitably entails more mistakes. To be fair, this does not seem to be the case in this particular essay, but one should always keep this in mind.

IELTS Writing Task 2: Roads or Railways

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The usage of government money to enhance the railway system is preferable (1) than utilizing (2) it to strengthen the road transport system. While I completely agree with the view (3) of administration ought to focus on railways, I also believe that even roads should be widened and monitored regularly for any potholes (4), which help people to have a pleasant travel experience on a day-to-day basis.

To begin with, there are several benefits of having an efficient railway system in place to cope up (5) with the growing population. In fact, railway transport system is indeed flexible and convenient for long travels because all basic facilities are addressed and taken care (6) efficiently in railways. A prime example is the provision of washroom facilities, sleeper coach and option (7) of selecting food from a variety of different caterers makes the rail journey all the more comfortable.

Nevertheless, there is a need for government to prioritize even the road transport system which is the most opted form of transportation by the people (8) on daily basis. It is undeniable that majority of individuals own a car and look forward to luxury and convenience while commuting to the office, thus prefer to use their own vehicle rather than singing in for railways. Therefore, the condition of the roads should be monitored at regular intervals and proper actions should be taken to repair any damage on the roads.

In conclusion, the government should take a judgmental decision in spending money and give equal importance to both railway and road transportation which are the essential form of transport systems. Having a good transportation system in place is a preferred choice of almost every individual, which should be addressed by the administration.

288 words

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1. The usage of government money to enhance the railway system is (more) preferable— you have to use a comparative adjective here. Alternatively, you can use ‘preferable to‘ construction.
  2. than spending it to strengthen the road transport system — ‘utilizing’ is not the best alternative collocation for ‘money’.
  3. While I completely agree with the view that administration — ‘of’ is changed to ‘that’.
  4. Roads should be widened and monitored regularly for potholes — ‘any’ can be omitted here as it doesn’t add anything new to the idea of this phrase.
  5. To begin with, there are several benefits of having an efficient railway system in place to cope — there is no such phrasal verb as ‘cope up’. ‘To cope’ is enough here to convey the meaning.
  6. In fact, railway transport system is indeed flexible and convenient for long travels because all basic facilities are addressed and taken care of — ‘to take care of’ is a set phrase and therefore it can’t be changed i.e. you can’t omit ‘of’.
  7. A prime example is the provision of washroom facilities, sleeper coach and (the) option of selecting food — a particular option is mentioned here, use a definite article.
  8. Most opted form of transportation by the people —what people are meant here? Make sure your articles serve a purpose.

IELTS Writing Task 2: Children’s Choice

Some people argue that children should do what their parents tell them to do. Other people think that children should learn how to think for themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is commonly believed that kids ought to follow the instructions given by their parents, whilst others think kids should be given the liberty to listen to their own self. The purpose of this essay is to analyse both sides of the argument and then I will give my own perspective.

Parents hold the responsibility of guiding and assisting their children in following their guideline. First and foremost, parents have a lot of expertise in each and every aspect of life, which enable them to take better decision for their kids’ well-being and intense growth in all fields (1). For example, Lathe Mangeshkar who is the Nightingale of India got immense support from their parents in identifying her hidden talent and nurturing it.

On the flip side, children should opt their choice without being influenced by others, according to some (2). This is because each and every kid is gifted with the ability to think on their own and make the necessary decision as per requirement. A prime example is the life history of Dr. Rajkumar from sandalwood industry. During his childhood, he found his great impulse in acting and choose film industry as his career, thus achieved great heights and earned both name and fame (3).

Finally, in my opinion, I am in favor of people who think youngster should be given the privilege to carefully think from their perspective and share the same with their parents rather than burdening them with parent’s choice (4).

In conclusion, children are the future of our nation. So, it is guardians responsibility to make kids understand necessary concepts about leading life and support them in choosing the right choice. Nevertheless, parents should guide children in making the right choice rather than masking kids opinion.

292 words

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1. First and foremost, parents have a lot of expertise in each and every aspect of life, which enables them to take better decision for their kids’ well-being and intense growth in all fields. — expertise enables them.
  2. On the flip side, children should make their choice without being influenced by others, according to some. — You can ‘opt for something’ or ‘opt to do something’. If you are unsure how to use a certain construction, it is better to use a more familiar one than make a mistake in a more complex one.
  3. During his childhood, he found his great impulse in acting and chose film industry as his career, thus (he) achieved (or thus achieving) great heights and earned (or earning) both name and fame — both verbs in the first clause should be in the past. Second clause is either missing a pronoun or the verb is used in wrong form.
  4. Finally, in my opinion, I am in favour of people who think youngster should be given the privilege to carefully think from their perspective and share the same with their parents rather than burdening them with parent’s choice. — you are using British English spelling and vocabulary throughout your essay: ‘whilst’, ‘analyse’. It is important to be consistent with it.