IELTS Writing Task 2: Immunisation

Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines.
Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?

It is argued that children can avoid getting diseases in their age by such procedure as vaccination. I am an opinion1 of that parents should not be forced to immunise their kids without a choice if they want it or not2, but to have a right to decide3 about vaccination.

On the one hand, vaccines can be seen as the best option when protecting children from negative diseases4. A lot of people, usually except doctors5, know nothing about medicine6 and such important aspect of it – vaccination. There are professional medics, who think that immunizing kids could be dangerous, they believe it changes one`s bodies7 processes and recommend to use only natural treatments. In my own experience, I know a few American and Russian doctors, who left classic medicine8 institution and now work as naturopathic doctors, they believe that such medicine can fight with diseases not worse than the classic one.

I believe that individuals should have an opportunity to choose whether to develop immune system by vaccination9 or not. The question about vaccines is not less important than, for example, children`s education. People must be free to decide about their kid`s future. For example10, in Russia parents have a right to agree or disagree11 with medic workers about vaccines. After negative experience with vaccination in my school, my family decided to stop using such medical procedure.

In conclusion, vaccination is not the only one option12 when thinking about immunise children13. Parents should have rights made by low14 to answer the question whether they want to use vaccination or alternative methods against kid`s diseases.

263 words

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

1. “I am of the opinion that” – “to be of the opinion…” is the accepted structure of this phrase.
2. “Without giving/being given a choice…”
3. “Have the right to decide” – we are talking about a particular right to do something
4. There is no such thing as “a positive disease” so the adjective here is redundant
5. “Usually/normally, a lot of people with the exception of doctors”
6. “Healthcare” would probably be a better word here. “Medicine” is mostly used in the meaning of things like pills or other remedies rather than the field.
7. “Body processes”
8. “Conventional medicine” fits better here.
9. I’d say that we “stimulate” or “reinforce/strengthen” our immune system.
10. Avoid repetition of the same structures. “For example” can be paraphrased: “For instance”, “To illustrate”, “One example of … is …” and many others
11. “The right to do something”
12. “… is not the only option”. “One” shouldn’t be used as we already have the word “option” which it would normally replace to avoid word repetition
13. “Thinking about doing something”
14. Misspelling of “Law”

 

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