CAE Proposal: Flexible Working Day

The company you work for is considering the idea of a flexible working day, where staff are able to vary their starting and finishing time. The manager of your department has asked you to write a proposal explaining why introducing a flexible working day could benefit both the company and its employees. You should also suggest how a flexible working day could operate in your own department.
Write your proposal.

Due to the introduction of a flexible working day being taken into consideration by the company, the following proposal illustrates the advantages of a job in which workers have the freedom and responsibility to organize their own starting and finishing working time as long as the total hours of work are not lessened (1).

Employees are engaged in fairly repetitive tasks, regardless of the department they work in.
Considering that the job itself would not be different if the working days were shifted, a flexible day could guarantee a considerable advantage, which (2) a lower level of stress through the adoption of a larger number of breaks. The more frequent breaks would be therefore compensated by less free days (3), because workers are more likely to sacrifice their weekends in exchange of a riduced (4) amount of working hours per day.

Of course the achiviement (5) of such a bold goal is not to underrate (6): in order to make it effective, it is necessary for every employee to be trustworthy and to get along with their collegues (7). Since a certain level of collaboration and mutual trust is already shared among the staff members in the marketing department (due to the nature of the job itself), the adoption of such project might reveal itself even more productive (8). In this department members have always been professional and efficient, and the management should look forward to an even bigger improvement.

In conclusion, a flexible working day could help to set the staff members free from stress and to organize a personal timetable according to their own needs, increasing thus their productivity. Creating a collaborative environment is fundamental to foster the suggested project.

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1.  Consider breaking this long sentence into two or adding one more sentence. A one-sentence introduction might not sit well with the assessing party. Other than that it is a solid introductory paragraph
  2. a flexible day could guarantee a considerable advantage, which (is) a lower level of stress through the adoption of a larger number of breaks. — did you mean ‘which is …’? A more complex approach would be to use ‘namely’: “guarantee a considerable advantage, namely a lower level of stress”
  3. The more frequent breaks would be therefore compensated by less days off — I would advice using the term ‘days off’, especially considering your following addition that clearly implies that the days in question take place at the end of the week.
  4. Workers are more likely to sacrifice their weekends in exchange for a reduced amount of working hours per day. — ‘in exchange for’ is the expression you’re looking for. Additionally, note the spelling of ‘reduced’.
  5. Achievement — another tough to spell word.
  6. Of course the achievement of such a bold goal is not to be underrated —  a passive construction here would make more sense — it is the goal that shouldn’t be underrated/underestimated.
  7. Colleagues.
  8. Avoid using words like ‘itself’ twice in once sentence. Generally speaking, do not use words other than articles and prepositions twice close to each other (unless it can’t be helped.

First of all, I would like to point out that the concept of flexible working day pertains to freedom of choice when to start and end your work rather than the frequency and length of one’s breaks. See this article on flexible workday.

Other than that this CAE proposal is well-written with sufficiently-developed points, varied vocabulary and diverse grammar structures. 

CAE Proposal: Preserving the Old Academy Building

The town council considers demolishing the old building of Technical Academy to make room for new constructions. Persuade the town council that the building of Technical Academy has a historical value and that instead of demolishing it, our city could make a profit out of its reconstruction.

Reasons for Preserving The Academy
Technical Academy was one of the first academies in our town, thus although it is an old unused building it has a meaning for many people who used to study there. Not only has this building sentimental meaning but it has also a big historical value (1). Moreover, it is one of a few building (2) in the city where such astonishing architecture can be observed.

Possible ways of modernization
This building (3) or write the sentence in a way to avoid overusing the word) is old and I understand that its renovation would be financially demanding, however, the building is not that neglected. My offer is to cooperate with students of technical and art academy who would gain practical skills by reconstructing and modernizing the old building. I recommend turning the Academy into a City Art Hall where cultural events of all kinds (e.g. concerts, vernissages, fine art exhibitions) could take place during all year.

Benefit for everybody
The demolition would be financially beneficial for the city council. However, turning it into an Art Hall would be convenient for both local people and the city since it would attract more tourist to our city (4). Another benefit would be the enrichment of the town spirit and new opportunities for people’s entertainment.

Conclusion
I believe that reconstruction of the old building of the Technical Academy would be beneficial for the whole city and ask you to consider it.

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1.  The word ‘meaning‘ is used twice. A synonym could be used — e.g. ‘sentimental value’.
  2. Moreover, it is one of the few building — here the definite article would emphasise the unique qualities of the buildings mentioned.
  3. The word ‘building‘ in this essay is overused. Either use synonyms (e.g. ‘structure’) or try to make sentences that do not need this word while retaining the same idea of the text.
  4. However, turning it into an Art Hall would be convenient for both local people and the city since it would attract more tourist. — ‘to our city’ can be omitted as redundant — it adds no new information here.

The content of this text is of high quality — the writer present clear arguments in defence of his viewpoint. There is a number of reasonable suggestions. All of the content is relevant to the task.

This essay has great structure, the body paragraphs have appropriate titles so the text is easy to navigate through.

Both vocabulary and structures used in the text are very good. There are no mistakes that I could spot. A suggestion would be to pay more attention to vocabulary diversity, more precisely try to spot overused words and come up with appropriate alternatives for them.