CAE Proposal: Hobby Club

The Students’ Association wants to increase the number of clubs at the college. Some of these clubs will cater for students’ hobbies. Please write a proposal suggesting why your favourite hobby should be included and justifying its inclusion.

Introduction
The aim of this proposal is to suggest one suitable option for the creation of new clubs at our college.

The lack of a necessary social skill
If it is not a myth that expressing ourselves is not an easy task for everybody even in our own language, why would it be in a language which (1) is not our mother tongue? Being capable to describe our feelings and emotions about a very concrete situation as well as our personal point of view is highly needed in order that we can live in society. Perhaps, finding the right word so as to make oneself properly understood does not present an issue for some people, whereas it does for many others. Nonetheless, developing such a necessary skill is feasible through poetry.

An international language
Other than English, poetry is an international language too (2). Contrary to the language of business, poetry possesses an extremely emotional component, among its other fascinating features, which makes it as universal as music. As a fact, (3) it is one’s individual background and imagination that their interpretation of a lyric text depends on, which helps one increase their creativity at the same time.

The most enjoyable way to keep learning English
Oral expression would definitely become improved by actions such as reading several poems aloud. Furthermore, a blog can be launched in order that students have the chance to post their own creations.

Conclusion
By mixing a leisure-time activity with learning English, many students could become specially motivated to improve not only their way of expressing themselves, but their way of expressing themselves in English, which, at the end of the day, it is our school’s one of the main purposes (4).

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1. language that is not our mother tongue  please have a look at the relative clause article, hopefully it will clarify this case.
  2. Just like English, poetry is an international language. — I have altered the sentence slightly, I believe it sounds more natural this way.
  3. Did you mean ‘as a matter of fact’?
  4. their way of expressing themselves in English, which, at the end of the day, is one of our school’s main purposes. — the word order here was a bit off. Other than that, a really nice way to put it.

This is a well-written CAE Proposal paper with several minor inaccuracies. There is one thing that somewhat spoils otherwise good impression (for me). Most sentences of this CAE Proposal contain multiple clauses intricately interconnected in a rather complex way, which makes reading them rather tiring. It is not an assessment criterion, but one should keep in mind that a reader-friendly text is going to be more welcome anywhere, exam or not.

CAE Proposal: Flexible Working Day

The company you work for is considering the idea of a flexible working day, where staff are able to vary their starting and finishing time. The manager of your department has asked you to write a proposal explaining why introducing a flexible working day could benefit both the company and its employees. You should also suggest how a flexible working day could operate in your own department.
Write your proposal.

Due to the introduction of a flexible working day being taken into consideration by the company, the following proposal illustrates the advantages of a job in which workers have the freedom and responsibility to organize their own starting and finishing working time as long as the total hours of work are not lessened (1).

Employees are engaged in fairly repetitive tasks, regardless of the department they work in.
Considering that the job itself would not be different if the working days were shifted, a flexible day could guarantee a considerable advantage, which (2) a lower level of stress through the adoption of a larger number of breaks. The more frequent breaks would be therefore compensated by less free days (3), because workers are more likely to sacrifice their weekends in exchange of a riduced (4) amount of working hours per day.

Of course the achiviement (5) of such a bold goal is not to underrate (6): in order to make it effective, it is necessary for every employee to be trustworthy and to get along with their collegues (7). Since a certain level of collaboration and mutual trust is already shared among the staff members in the marketing department (due to the nature of the job itself), the adoption of such project might reveal itself even more productive (8). In this department members have always been professional and efficient, and the management should look forward to an even bigger improvement.

In conclusion, a flexible working day could help to set the staff members free from stress and to organize a personal timetable according to their own needs, increasing thus their productivity. Creating a collaborative environment is fundamental to foster the suggested project.

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1.  Consider breaking this long sentence into two or adding one more sentence. A one-sentence introduction might not sit well with the assessing party. Other than that it is a solid introductory paragraph
  2. a flexible day could guarantee a considerable advantage, which (is) a lower level of stress through the adoption of a larger number of breaks. — did you mean ‘which is …’? A more complex approach would be to use ‘namely’: “guarantee a considerable advantage, namely a lower level of stress”
  3. The more frequent breaks would be therefore compensated by less days off — I would advice using the term ‘days off’, especially considering your following addition that clearly implies that the days in question take place at the end of the week.
  4. Workers are more likely to sacrifice their weekends in exchange for a reduced amount of working hours per day. — ‘in exchange for’ is the expression you’re looking for. Additionally, note the spelling of ‘reduced’.
  5. Achievement — another tough to spell word.
  6. Of course the achievement of such a bold goal is not to be underrated —  a passive construction here would make more sense — it is the goal that shouldn’t be underrated/underestimated.
  7. Colleagues.
  8. Avoid using words like ‘itself’ twice in once sentence. Generally speaking, do not use words other than articles and prepositions twice close to each other (unless it can’t be helped.

First of all, I would like to point out that the concept of flexible working day pertains to freedom of choice when to start and end your work rather than the frequency and length of one’s breaks. See this article on flexible workday.

Other than that this CAE proposal is well-written with sufficiently-developed points, varied vocabulary and diverse grammar structures. 

CAE Proposal: Preserving the Old Academy Building

The town council considers demolishing the old building of Technical Academy to make room for new constructions. Persuade the town council that the building of Technical Academy has a historical value and that instead of demolishing it, our city could make a profit out of its reconstruction.

Reasons for Preserving The Academy
Technical Academy was one of the first academies in our town, thus although it is an old unused building it has a meaning for many people who used to study there. Not only has this building sentimental meaning but it has also a big historical value (1). Moreover, it is one of a few building (2) in the city where such astonishing architecture can be observed.

Possible ways of modernization
This building (3) or write the sentence in a way to avoid overusing the word) is old and I understand that its renovation would be financially demanding, however, the building is not that neglected. My offer is to cooperate with students of technical and art academy who would gain practical skills by reconstructing and modernizing the old building. I recommend turning the Academy into a City Art Hall where cultural events of all kinds (e.g. concerts, vernissages, fine art exhibitions) could take place during all year.

Benefit for everybody
The demolition would be financially beneficial for the city council. However, turning it into an Art Hall would be convenient for both local people and the city since it would attract more tourist to our city (4). Another benefit would be the enrichment of the town spirit and new opportunities for people’s entertainment.

Conclusion
I believe that reconstruction of the old building of the Technical Academy would be beneficial for the whole city and ask you to consider it.

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1.  The word ‘meaning‘ is used twice. A synonym could be used — e.g. ‘sentimental value’.
  2. Moreover, it is one of the few building — here the definite article would emphasise the unique qualities of the buildings mentioned.
  3. The word ‘building‘ in this essay is overused. Either use synonyms (e.g. ‘structure’) or try to make sentences that do not need this word while retaining the same idea of the text.
  4. However, turning it into an Art Hall would be convenient for both local people and the city since it would attract more tourist. — ‘to our city’ can be omitted as redundant — it adds no new information here.

The content of this text is of high quality — the writer present clear arguments in defence of his viewpoint. There is a number of reasonable suggestions. All of the content is relevant to the task.

This essay has great structure, the body paragraphs have appropriate titles so the text is easy to navigate through.

Both vocabulary and structures used in the text are very good. There are no mistakes that I could spot. A suggestion would be to pay more attention to vocabulary diversity, more precisely try to spot overused words and come up with appropriate alternatives for them.

 

Scroll Up