CAE Proposal: Hobby Club

The Students’ Association wants to increase the number of clubs at the college. Some of these clubs will cater for students’ hobbies. Please write a proposal suggesting why your favourite hobby should be included and justifying its inclusion.

Introduction
The aim of this proposal is to suggest one suitable option for the creation of new clubs at our college.

The lack of a necessary social skill
If it is not a myth that expressing ourselves is not an easy task for everybody even in our own language, why would it be in a language which (1) is not our mother tongue? Being capable to describe our feelings and emotions about a very concrete situation as well as our personal point of view is highly needed in order that we can live in society. Perhaps, finding the right word so as to make oneself properly understood does not present an issue for some people, whereas it does for many others. Nonetheless, developing such a necessary skill is feasible through poetry.

An international language
Other than English, poetry is an international language too (2). Contrary to the language of business, poetry possesses an extremely emotional component, among its other fascinating features, which makes it as universal as music. As a fact, (3) it is one’s individual background and imagination that their interpretation of a lyric text depends on, which helps one increase their creativity at the same time.

The most enjoyable way to keep learning English
Oral expression would definitely become improved by actions such as reading several poems aloud. Furthermore, a blog can be launched in order that students have the chance to post their own creations.

Conclusion
By mixing a leisure-time activity with learning English, many students could become specially motivated to improve not only their way of expressing themselves, but their way of expressing themselves in English, which, at the end of the day, it is our school’s one of the main purposes (4).

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1. language that is not our mother tongue  please have a look at the relative clause article, hopefully it will clarify this case.
  2. Just like English, poetry is an international language. — I have altered the sentence slightly, I believe it sounds more natural this way.
  3. Did you mean ‘as a matter of fact’?
  4. their way of expressing themselves in English, which, at the end of the day, is one of our school’s main purposes. — the word order here was a bit off. Other than that, a really nice way to put it.

This is a well-written CAE Proposal paper with several minor inaccuracies. There is one thing that somewhat spoils otherwise good impression (for me). Most sentences of this CAE Proposal contain multiple clauses intricately interconnected in a rather complex way, which makes reading them rather tiring. It is not an assessment criterion, but one should keep in mind that a reader-friendly text is going to be more welcome anywhere, exam or not.

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