It goes without saying that spending time abroad is an enriching experience and with the fact that the people have gained experiences trough it. It also brings benefits to the society in which they live.
Firstly, there are advantages for business. If people have spent time living in another country, they will have acquired some knowledge of the spoken language. Even though they may not become fluent, they will be able to communicate in an adequate level (1). As a result they understand and get a sense of the mentality and culture. Furthermore languages skills will stand them in a very good stead, when it comes to doing business with this country (2).
Secondly, there are cultural advantages. People who have lived abroad will know the way of living in the country different from their own. They get in touch with new food, music or arts. Especially if they want to become an artist it may influence their kind of art they did before. In other words knowing new arts have a positive impact on their creativity, which in turn will bring benefits to them as individuals as well as to their own society. Consequently the impact of living abroad has a great influence on both society and the people who lived there for a certain period.
As shown above the two benefits the two benefits of society of spending time abroad which have been discussed, the more significant aspect is, in my opinion, the business own (3). Despite the fact that the globalization brings countries closer and is important for growing, a successful business between nations has all sorts of positive consequences; from increased employment opportunities to better working conditions. The travel experience for itself plays only a small factor contributing to business success, but it certainly is not a significant part in this.
The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.
- At an adequate level — Wrong preposition here. See this article on prepositions to know the most basic cases and avoid mistakes in the future.
- As a result they understand and get a sense of the mentality and culture. Furthermore language skills will stand them in a very good stead when it comes to doing business with this country — language should be used in singular. The comma after ‘stead’ can be omitted.
- the more significant aspect is, in my opinion, the business one — it seems that a wrong word has been used here.
Even though the essay contains several inaccuracies, they do not get in the way of understanding it. It has the required structure, all of the required points are mentioned and there is not much that can be improved, other than a slightly longer introductory paragraph. Well done!