CAE Writing Part 1: Helping Immigrants

Your class has watched a television documentary about the benefits of helping immigrants to integrate into their local communities.
Notes:
-Language
-Culture
-Work

Choose two of the areas in your notes. You should explain why the areas are important and provide reasons in support of your answer.

Nowadays, it is said that immigration is a problem that is constantly rising. Within the upsides of helping immigrants are the ethical and moral disciplines. In this essay, the issues of language and culture will be covered.

Firstly, we must take into account how difficult and hard it is for foreigners to adapt to our language. We ought to give our help to these people on this matter, but the question is: how? One answer to this enquiry (1 I wouldn’t use this synonym to ‘question’ here as it is not a literal question but instead a matter or a problem that has to be dealt with) could be to set an obligatory language exam before the integration for foreseeing how the immigrant will do in the future with our language. Courses could be offered too, paid by the government of each country. However, these measures won´t be effective if we don´t participate. The change in mind must start from us.

Another point to consider is culture. On the one hand, it is true that we could loose (2 ‘loose’ is an adjective that means ‘not firm or tight, having slack’. If you did imply that, then the verb would be ‘to loosen’) our national identity and traditions, but on the other hand, our culture would be enriched too, being this a superb advantage (3). Immigrants would give us difference (4 variety or diversity would fit in better) and amongst all, tolerance, both essential elements in today´s society. In this issue we must also contribute, just by reducing our selfishness and helping others in the daily aspects of life.

To sum up, both areas are necessary and therefore important, as they are the key to modern society. In other words, we couldn´t do without language or culture nowadays. Personally speaking, I believe that we all must participate in this global and ethical change happening and we should happily “celebrate diversity” (5).

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1. One answer to this matter/problem could be — I wouldn’t use this synonym to ‘question’ here as it is not a literal question but instead a matter or a problem that has to be dealt with.
  2. On the one hand, it is true that we could lose our national identity — ‘loose’ is an adjective that means ‘not firm or tight, having slack’. If you did imply that, then the verb would be ‘to loosen’.
  3. Our culture would be enriched too, this (or the latter) being a superb advantage — if I understood this right, this refers to culture getting enriched. Both suggestions would make the connection more clear.
  4. Immigrants would give us variety/diversity — variety or diversity would fit in better. Difference does not possess the implies positive meaning.
  5. I see no reason for parentheses here.

Some minor vocabular inaccuracies aside, this is a very well-written essay. The author is confident with their usage of English, the grammatical and verbal constructions are varied and well-structured. The general structure is in accordance with the task requirements and all of the relevant points are sufficiently developed. Well done!

CAE Writing Part 1: Preparing for Working Life

Which methods governments should use to prepare young people for working life?
— visits from employers
— apprentice schemes
— work-related subjects at school

As many people know, the first steps in the professional career can conditionate (1) success in the next years in any field, (2)for this reason, we should consider what could the governments do in order to offer more opportunities to the (3) young people. The answer seems clear to me: adapt the subjects to the labor world requirements and enclose the relationship between the students and the employers (4).

Firstly, It seems to me that what the students need is a paradigm change. In a modern society, some subjects such as Latin or Arts have become in something (5)obsolete. The breakthroughs in the science are requiring young people with a background in computer sciences or electricity, that explain why many students feel a disappointment (6) when they start their working life and their degrees results complete sinless compare with the real necessities of the companies (7).

On the other hand, we can forget the existence of a barrier between the companies and the universities. Government should find a way to become the internships in a part of the curricular plan as well as organize visits to schools from the pioneer companies to encourage them. Moreover, employers are the perfect candidates to illustrate the working life to the unexperienced teenagers.(8)

To sum up, taking into account the previous arguments, I consider that following these recommendations, government would be ensuring not only that the companies trigger to the students to choose the most appropriate career, also aiding them to develop more valuable skills. (9)

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1. As many people know, the first steps in the professional career can set conditions for success — I haven’t seen the word ‘to conditionate’ used anywhere. My guess here is that you meant “to set conditions for something”. Consider googling a word if you are unsure whether it can be used in certain meaning or if it exists at all. 
  2. Consider adding “and” or breaking this long sentence into two shorter once for cohesion
  3. Offer more opportunities to young people — I would omit the definite article here as you probably mean young people in general rather than a particular group. Consider reading a short entry about the basics of article usage.
  4. The answer seems clear to me: adapt the subjects to the labor world requirements and bring the students and the employers together — the world ‘enclose’ doesn’t have a meaning ‘to make closer’. I took the liberty to rephrase the sentence to convey the same meaning.
  5. Firstly, It seems to me that what the students need is a paradigm change. In a modern society, some subjects such as Latin or Arts have become somewhat obsolete. —  ‘somewhat’ would fit better in here. It is unclear what arts are meant here.
  6. Do not use indefinite articles with abstract nouns such as feelings.
  7. And their degrees turn out to be completely useless compared with the real needs of companies — I have corrected the sentence the way I understood it. I have omitted the definite article before ‘companies’ because no particular companies are meant here.
  8. Moreover, employers are the perfect candidates to demonstrate/showcase the working life to the inexperienced teenagers.
  9. To sum up, taking into account the previous arguments, I consider that following these recommendations, government would be ensuring not only that the companies (help students) choose the most appropriate career, (but) also aid them (in) developing more valuable skills. — consider rephrasing the sentence or dividing it into two parts to avoid using so many commas; also: aid in (doing) something.

This writing would be much improved by more consistent grammar and vocabulary. It is sometimes difficult to get the idea behind some of the sentences. Nevertheless the author managed to structure their essay appropriately, provide relevant examples and as a result fulfil the task requirements.