CAE Writing Part 1: Money from Authorities

Which facilities should receive money from local authorities?
-museums;
-sports centres;
-public gardens.
Write an essay discussing two of the facilities in your notes. You should explain which facility is more important for local authorities to give money to, giving reasons in support of your answer.

When it comes to public spending, there is always a heated debate regarding its destination. One of such debates features facilities: some political figures suggest that public money should be destined to museums, while others consider sports centres more deserving. Public opinion is divided as well.

Firstly, some might think that sports centres could improve personal health- and rightfully so. Practising physical activities regurarly (1) is helpful to people for (2) being healthier and living longer. This habit leads also (3) to another positive outcome: if a consistent (4) part of the population improves their physical health, public healthcare will become less expensive for the government, which may adress (5) its money to a different service. A valid objection to this argument is the possibility of practising physical activities autonomously: people do not necessary (6) need a free gym membership since they could go hiking, running in a park, walking around the city or dedicating themselves to any other activity which may improve their health conditions.

On the contrary, museums offer a service which cannot be self-provided: education. Museum visitors have the chance of seeing several items of historical or scientific value that cannot be seen anywhere else. Some sceptics suppose that the same service might be provided sitting behind a computer screen, but first-hand experience is irreplaceable and creates a bigger impact on the visitor’s mind, helping thus in receiving a unique educational experience that could pay off in a possible future career.

If offering a completely free service is not possible, boosting the number of visitors through group discounts, free visits in specific days and special offers for students and families would be advisable and beneficial.

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1. Regularly — this word is very tricky to spell right. Check this list of words with difficult spelling to avoid such mistakes in the future. And make sure to proof-read before handing your exam paper in!
  2. Practising physical activities regularly helps people to be healthier and live longer. — The construction you are using here is a bit complex and therefore difficult for the reader. It is a matter of personal taste more than anything else, but I suggest using clear and concise ways of expressing your thoughts, especially when it comes to writing. I’ve been recommending this to all of my CAE students and most of them end up scoring high in the Writing part. However, there is nothing wrong with using more advanced constructions — just use your own judgement to make sure that they are effortless to understand.
  3. This habit also leads … — you normally put ‘also‘ before the verb, unless it is a modal verb (i. e. ‘can’, ‘may’, ‘should’ or if the verb is ‘to be’.
  4. Did you mean to use the word ‘considerable‘ here? Or did you mean that the part of population doing sports should remain the same over a certain period of time?
  5. Address. Two d’s, two s’s, both in noun and verb forms.
  6. People do not necessarily — make sure to use the right part of speech.

This is a well-written text with both points sufficiently developed. The writer presents clear arguments to support the suggested ideas.

Essay has clear structure with the exception of the conclusive paragraph, which serves more as a part with additional suggestions to the idea. It is advisable to have a dedicated conclusion that summarises the idea presented in the text.

Both vocabulary and grammar are of appropriately high level. No mistakes were made that would possibly impede understanding of the ideas. Certain minor grammar and vocabulary flaws do not affect overall impression detrimentally.