IELTS Writing Sample Essay Archives -

IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay: Increasing crime levels

IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample increasing crime levels

It is true that the crime rate has been rising, especially in larger cities. Many factors are at the root of this serious issue. However, several researches have shown that this is mainly related to educational aspects and information. Thus, governments should tackle crime by improving educational system.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Education and information are both elements to take into account when it comes to offence. Schools and universities play a crucial role in affecting one’s behaviour as an individual and should be the places, in tandem with home, where people learn what is right and wrong and the effects of one’s behaviour on our society. For this reason, the lack of educational and preventative initiatives concerning crime may result in an increase in offences. For instance, according to several university studies, pupils attending schools where workshops about (1) civil rights and justice take place are less likely to become vandalists or robbers in the future.

Therefore, governments should promote crime-related educational activities in state schools (2). It would be also necessary to encourage companies by financial incentives to allow workers to attend training courses connected with bribery, fraud and corporate crime. Learning more about crime and the related punishments can be seen as one of the most powerful preventative measures against offence. Take the private companies operating in UK. Most employers there make sure that (3) their staff are well educated (4) about preventative measures at fighting crime and the consequences of committing offence.

To sum up, offence (5), one of the main issues in our society, is increasing in today’s world. The lack of an efficient educational system may represent one of the most significant causes of this phenomenon. Yet, governments can take action to combat crime by encouraging both institutions and enterprises to develop crime-related education programs.

297 words

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1. workshops on— ‘A workshop on something’ would be more inline with the overall highly-academical style used in the text. ‘About’ sounds a bit too colloquial here.
  2. Although not a mistake per se, this sentence would make more sentence as the last one in the previous paragraph. It would do well in summing up the ideas mentioned there.
    If you choose to move it to the previous paragraph, then you would need a new introductory sentence for this one.
  3. Take the private companies operating in UK. Most employers there make sure that — ‘that’ can be omitted here — it is a so-called ‘complementiser’. It is by no means a mistake, however I would recommend cutting down on words that do not contribute anything to the sentence. Concise writing, even though it doesn’t impact your exam mark greatly, is a nice practice to make your text more reader-friendly.
  4. their staff are well-educated — ‘well-educated’ should take a hyphen here. Think of it this way — their staff is not both physically healthy(‘well’) and professionally knowledgeable(‘educated’). They are sufficiently educated in their field of expertise.
  5. Offence. You have used the word five times throughout the essay, either come up with a synonym or restructure the phrase to avoid repeating it. Some synonyms from the top of my head:  wrongdoing, misdeed, delinquency. All have different shades of meaning, but the general notions remains the same. It is important to use synonyms for words that are used often.

This is a high-quality piece of writing. The structure is well-defined, grammar and vocabular structures are nearly impeccable and diverse. Occasional few inaccuracies do not stand in the way of understanding.

IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay: Practical skills and knowledge

In the modern world, more and more emphasis is being placed on acquisition of practical skills rather than knowledge from text books of other sources.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

Nowadays, it is common belief that people should be more concerned about practical skills rather than theoretical ones. Others disagree with this assumption. This essay will discuss the main positive and negative aspects of focusing on practise (1) instead of theory.

Generally speaking, acquiring practical skills has become essential for every job seeker. Therefore, the majority of job interviewers require from their candidates some technical experience to cover a certain position. In addition to this, internships and traineeships play a crucial role in preparing recent graduates for working life. For instance, the European program Erasmus provides a wide range of options for students aimed at gaining work experience to let them have access to the job market in an easier and faster way.

On the other hand, in-depth theoretical knowledge about the field of activity in which a potential or current worker is involved is important: without it, it is even unlikely to set objectives and targets for a company. Moreover, possessing theoretical knowledge may also affect the amount of money a worker can earn. An evidence of this can be given by the fact that having a qualification, such as a Bachelor’s Degree or a certain certificate, is almost always a requirement for doing white collar jobs (2), which are, in most cases, those with the highest salaries.

To sum up, many individuals consider acquiring practical experience more necessary than developing knowledge (3) about principles or rules. This essay discussed the main advantages and drawbacks of this statement. Whether practise plays a more vital role than theory or not, it is clear that they are both significant in modern life.   

268 words

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1. Practice— ‘practise’ is a verb, the noun is spelled with letter c — ‘practice’. See this list of words that are easy to misspell.
  2. Whitecollar —’ white-collar’ is a compound adjective and should be hyphenated
  3. Knowledge — consider finding a synonym for knowledge, such as ‘competence’, ‘expertise’ or something similar in meaning

This essay is superb. The only downside it has is the occasional vocabulary inaccuracies that should be easy to avoid with proof-reading the writing. Never underestimate the importance of proofreading.

IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay: Corporate sponsorship in sports

IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Essay corporate sponsorship in sports

Some companies sponsor sport as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages.
Discuss both views and give your opinion

It is true that many enterprises fund sport teams or clubs with the aim to get publicity for themselves. Although many individuals consider this practise (1) right and correct like any other promotional material, others seem to be more sceptical. Despite this, it seems to be noticeable that the benefits behind this marketing tool far overweight (2) the negative sides.

Even though the primary aim pursued by the company sponsors is to increase their visibility, there are several social positive effects as a result of this practice. First of all, nobody would have any interest in sponsoring this kind of activities without a rise in turnover due to it. We live in a materialistic society, where most healthy activities would never be promoted for free. This means that, even if the primary aim (3) of the sponsors is advertising themselves, these companies play a significant role in encouraging people to join sport clubs and to live an active lifestyle. For instance, private companies like Rolex are essential for many football teams which could not even remain on the market (4) without their financial help.

Yet, some drawbacks concerning this practice should be taken into account. Among them, one seems to be the most relevant: the disparity of performances which can result in some cases: whenever the funds in favour of the involved sport team are modest and, by contrast, the company sponsor makes a great profit by advertising itself this way, the trade itself can be seen as unfair. However, this mainly depends on the negotiation skills of the counterparts (5).

In conclusion, whether funding sports as a way to create publicity for themselves is right or not, it is still a controversial issue. However, it is worth sharing the opinion that sponsors are almost always necessary to allow many sport clubs and teams to stay on the market.

309 words

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1. Practice— ‘practise’ is a verb, the noun is ‘practice’ — I have taken the liberty to correct this mistake in the rest of the essay. A similar case is advice(noun) and advise(verb). See the full list of tricky words in English.
  2. the benefits behind this marketing tool far outweigh the negative sides — ‘overweight’ is an adjective with a different meaning.
  3.  ‘primary aim’ is used twice in the same paragraph. Consider paraphrasing it.
  4. For instance, private companies like Rolex are essential for many football teams which could not even remain in the sports without their financial help. — ‘market’ does not fit very well to describe sports environment such as football. I would advise using something different. A more general ‘sports’ would do better, or a figurative ‘game’, e.g. ‘they wouldn’t be able to stay in the game’.
  5. Paragraph three is slightly underlength and the idea there is insufficiently developed. Consider expanding it, adding supplementary arguments or increasing its size otherwise.

This writing is of very good quality, even though there are some minor shortcomings that could be easily rectified. Both grammatical and vocabulary structures are of considerable level.

Body paragraph two seems underdeveloped. The idea could be expanded further. The essay is over 300 words long. While this is not directly punished, writing a longer essay almost inevitably entails more mistakes. To be fair, this does not seem to be the case in this particular essay, but one should always keep this in mind.

IELTS Writing Task 2: Art or Sports?

Development in educational courses is always a necessary part of course design, it is a basic requirement of curriculum; which is very important in keeping intact (1), the interest of student as well as course instructors.(2)

Art and sports are indeed the key part of any society. Art especially need (3) more care and concerns, people usually not much attracted (4) to this subject, as the learning opportunities available in art’s field are very limited. 

In this regard, government need (5) to pay a good deal of attention and spend more funds for the development of art institute and courses. It is a big demand of time that public institution play their part (6) in making young students realize the importance of art studies. Government need to engage some organizations in art’s research programmes (7); such type of efforts can be helpful in enhancing the interest of young professional to take art as a career making subject. 

Sports (8) are needed to keep a nation healthy and energetic, government agencies and sports boards are the icon institutions (9); which are much responsible to motivate the students (10). Basic educational system is a parent key (11) for making the career path for learners. 

More likely (12), improvement in basic sports courses, supporting the development of advance sports related (13) literature and spending more fund in establishing sports facilities (14) can definitely help masses to take sport as a serious life subject. 

In light of above, I conclude my opinion as both art and sports have equal importance in development of society. Art’s personnel (15) are very important in conserving the culture and heritage of a nation, sports person are (16) responsible for presenting a nation at international forums (17).

286 words

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

1. which is very important to keep intact — it is better to avoid -ing forms if you can use the simpler form of the word. This makes the text more fluid, easier to read and understand.
2. in the (best) interest of student as well as course instructors. — the commonly used phrase has ‘in’ — in the interest of somebody. The word ‘best’ can be added for more emphatic effect and often it is used rather than not. Consider having a look at prepositions in English basics.
3. Art especially needs — Art here is singular.
4. people are usually not much attracted — a passive constructions needs an auxiliary verb ‘to be’.
5. In this regard, government needs — Government is in singular.
6. It is a big demand of time that public institution play their part — The time demands public insitutions to do their part. The beginning of the sentence is unclear, I tried to rephrase it the way I understood the meaning. Do their part/play their part are interchangeable, I would prefer the former.
7. Art’s — possessive is optional here and can be avoided.
8. Sports — Sports in plural normally imply certain types of activities (e.g. football, rugby etc.). However, if you mean sports as recreational activity in general, not implying any particular kind of sports, then you might as well use the singular form.
9. Icon — icon can’t be used as adjective, maybe ‘Iconic’ would fit better.
10. which are much responsible to motivate the students. — which carry/have much responsibility to motivate the students.
11. parent key — just key would do
12. More likely — Moreover?
13. advance sports related — advanced (?) sports-related
14. spending more fund in establishing sports facilities — spending more funds on establishing
15. Art’s personnel — I would say ‘artist’ here.
16. sports person are — sports people, plural
17. international forums — I would stick to “internationally”. International forums generally have nothing to do with sports.

This is a solid essay with occasional inaccuracies. More attention should be paid to singular/plural nouns and collocations. I would also recommend combining some of the paragraphs into one. Four is the optimal number of paragraphs for your IELTS/CAE essay (This essay has six)

IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Essay 1

IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Essay 1

It is believed that books have been losing popularity throughout the passing years. Other sources of information such as the Internet are rapidly replacing the old-fashioned books. Some say that this situation could have serious consequences.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Your answer should be at least 250 words long.

Sample Essay Answer: disagreeing

Reading has shaped minds of many generations — the most outstanding people have been known to be avid readers. This notion however might soon change as reading becomes less popular, gradually ousted by other media. Should we be alarmed?

To give an objective and impartial answer one should understand the core purpose of reading. Simply put, we read either for education or pleasure. Education is still heavily book-reliant — modern schools and colleges are reluctant to switch from paper-based learning aids to their digital counterparts. This is understandable as textbooks have numerous advantages over displays when it comes to education. Books are affordable, mobile and they can be made notes in. Importantly, a student can’t launch a gaming app on his book — this makes for a better learning process.

With recent technological advances and the Internet becoming ubiquitously available, reading for entertainment (and entertainment itself) has changed dramatically. A person seeking to idle away an hour or two faces a luscious choice of pleasure-reading material — anything and everything they could wish for is at their fingertips. It is then that the person comes to find other mediums of entertainment — podcasts, shows and videos that seem to be more lucrative. After all, reading entails a certain amount of effort whereas watching a video is totally undemanding. This is where reading rapidly loses its allure, requiring too much commitment for a jaded entertainment-seeker.

Whether we like it or not, reading really does become obsolete. Undoubtedly, it will shall retain its popularity among certain social groups, but its demand is nevertheless dwindling by the year.

(260 words)

This is a Band 8 answer. Let’s go over the four basic criteria to understand this mark.

Task achievement

(+) The author gives comprehensive overview of the question from both points.

Coherence and cohesion

(+) Ideas in the text are properly connected using a wide variety of cohesive devices. The structure of his answer is well-balanced.

(-) The second body paragraph could be better structured — it’s second part is a bit too short.

Lexical resource

(+) The author exhibited a very good command of English, using complex vocabulary appropriately and showing a good knowledge of synonyms for most used words.

Grammatical range and accuracy

(+) There are virtually no grammatical mistakes. All of the structures used are accurate and manage to deliver the full extent of the message.

Usually Band 7+ answers have no obvious drawbacks or weak points.