The usage of government money to enhance the railway system is preferable (1) than utilizing (2) it to strengthen the road transport system. While I completely agree with the view (3) of administration ought to focus on railways, I also believe that even roads should be widened and monitored regularly for any potholes (4), which help people to have a pleasant travel experience on a day-to-day basis.
To begin with, there are several benefits of having an efficient railway system in place to cope up (5) with the growing population. In fact, railway transport system is indeed flexible and convenient for long travels because all basic facilities are addressed and taken care (6) efficiently in railways. A prime example is the provision of washroom facilities, sleeper coach and option (7) of selecting food from a variety of different caterers makes the rail journey all the more comfortable.
Nevertheless, there is a need for government to prioritize even the road transport system which is the most opted form of transportation by the people (8) on daily basis. It is undeniable that majority of individuals own a car and look forward to luxury and convenience while commuting to the office, thus prefer to use their own vehicle rather than singing in for railways. Therefore, the condition of the roads should be monitored at regular intervals and proper actions should be taken to repair any damage on the roads.
In conclusion, the government should take a judgmental decision in spending money and give equal importance to both railway and road transportation which are the essential form of transport systems. Having a good transportation system in place is a preferred choice of almost every individual, which should be addressed by the administration.
The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.
- The usage of government money to enhance the railway system is (more) preferable— you have to use a comparative adjective here. Alternatively, you can use ‘preferable to‘ construction.
- than spending it to strengthen the road transport system — ‘utilizing’ is not the best alternative collocation for ‘money’.
- While I completely agree with the view that administration — ‘of’ is changed to ‘that’.
- Roads should be widened and monitored regularly for potholes — ‘any’ can be omitted here as it doesn’t add anything new to the idea of this phrase.
- To begin with, there are several benefits of having an efficient railway system in place to cope — there is no such phrasal verb as ‘cope up’. ‘To cope’ is enough here to convey the meaning.
- In fact, railway transport system is indeed flexible and convenient for long travels because all basic facilities are addressed and taken care of — ‘to take care of’ is a set phrase and therefore it can’t be changed i.e. you can’t omit ‘of’.
- A prime example is the provision of washroom facilities, sleeper coach and (the) option of selecting food — a particular option is mentioned here, use a definite article.
- Most opted form of transportation by the people —what people are meant here? Make sure your articles serve a purpose.