IELTS Writing Task 2

The usage of government money to enhance the railway system is preferable (1) than utilizing (2) it to strengthen the road transport system. While I completely agree with the view (3) of administration ought to focus on railways, I also believe that even roads should be widened and monitored regularly for any potholes (4), which help people to have a pleasant travel experience on a day-to-day basis.

To begin with, there are several benefits of having an efficient railway system in place to cope up (5) with the growing population. In fact, railway transport system is indeed flexible and convenient for long travels because all basic facilities are addressed and taken care (6) efficiently in railways. A prime example is the provision of washroom facilities, sleeper coach and option (7) of selecting food from a variety of different caterers makes the rail journey all the more comfortable.

Nevertheless, there is a need for government to prioritize even the road transport system which is the most opted form of transportation by the people (8) on daily basis. It is undeniable that majority of individuals own a car and look forward to luxury and convenience while commuting to the office, thus prefer to use their own vehicle rather than singing in for railways. Therefore, the condition of the roads should be monitored at regular intervals and proper actions should be taken to repair any damage on the roads.

In conclusion, the government should take a judgmental decision in spending money and give equal importance to both railway and road transportation which are the essential form of transport systems. Having a good transportation system in place is a preferred choice of almost every individual, which should be addressed by the administration.

288 words

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

1. The usage of government money to enhance the railway system is (more) preferable— you have to use a comparative adjective here. Alternatively, you can use ‘preferable to‘ construction.
2. than spending it to strengthen the road transport system — ‘utilizing’ is not the best alternative collocation for ‘money’.
3. While I completely agree with the view that administration — ‘of’ is changed to ‘that’.
4. Roads should be widened and monitored regularly for potholes — ‘any’ can be omitted here as it doesn’t add anything new to the idea of this phrase.
5. To begin with, there are several benefits of having an efficient railway system in place to cope — there is no such phrasal verb as ‘cope up’. ‘To cope’ is enough here to convey the meaning.
6. In fact, railway transport system is indeed flexible and convenient for long travels because all basic facilities are addressed and taken care of — ‘to take care of’ is a set phrase and therefore it can’t be changed i.e. you can’t omit ‘of’.
7. A prime example is the provision of washroom facilities, sleeper coach and (the) option of selecting food — a particular option is mentioned here, use a definite article.
8. Most opted form of transportation by the people —what people are meant here? Make sure your articles serve a purpose.

It is commonly believed that kids ought to follow the instructions given by their parents, whilst others think kids should be given the liberty to listen to their own self. The purpose of this essay is to analyse both sides of the argument and then I will give my own perspective.

Parents hold the responsibility of guiding and assisting their children in following their guideline. First and foremost, parents have a lot of expertise in each and every aspect of life, which enable them to take better decision for their kids’ well-being and intense growth in all fields (1). For example, Lathe Mangeshkar who is the Nightingale of India got immense support from their parents in identifying her hidden talent and nurturing it.

On the flip side, children should opt their choice without being influenced by others, according to some (2). This is because each and every kid is gifted with the ability to think on their own and make the necessary decision as per requirement. A prime example is the life history of Dr. Rajkumar from sandalwood industry. During his childhood, he found his great impulse in acting and choose film industry as his career, thus achieved great heights and earned both name and fame (3).

Finally, in my opinion, I am in favor of people who think youngster should be given the privilege to carefully think from their perspective and share the same with their parents rather than burdening them with parent’s choice (4).

In conclusion, children are the future of our nation. So, it is guardians responsibility to make kids understand necessary concepts about leading life and support them in choosing the right choice. Nevertheless, parents should guide children in making the right choice rather than masking kids opinion.

292 words

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

1. First and foremost, parents have a lot of expertise in each and every aspect of life, which enables them to take better decision for their kids’ well-being and intense growth in all fields. — expertise enables them.
2. On the flip side, children should make their choice without being influenced by others, according to some. — You can ‘opt for something’ or ‘opt to do something’. If you are unsure how to use a certain construction, it is better to use a more familiar one than make a mistake in a more complex one.
3. During his childhood, he found his great impulse in acting and chose film industry as his career, thus (he) achieved (or thus achieving) great heights and earned (or earning) both name and fame — both verbs in the first clause should be in the past. Second clause is either missing a pronoun or the verb is used in wrong form.
4. Finally, in my opinion, I am in favour of people who think youngster should be given the privilege to carefully think from their perspective and share the same with their parents rather than burdening them with parent’s choice. — you are using British English spelling and vocabulary throughout your essay: ‘whilst’, ‘analyse’. It is important to be consistent with it.

It is often thought that the wide variety of technological advancements are rising gap between rich and poor people, whilst other think these advancements are bridging the gap between rich and poor (1). Many arguments have been made for and against effect of technological inventions rich and poor people (2). In this essay, I will discuss both views and give my own position.

On one hand, many people think that the growth in technology reduces the difference between the rich person and poor person (3). This can be attributed to the growing inventions in all fields, which facilitate people to use a range of machinery for accomplishing the tasks, that in turn reduce the dependency on people for accomplishing the task (4). A good illustration is the invention of machineries for weeding, planting, harvesting and food processing which evidently reduce the time and people involved in these tasks and result in huge profit for agrarian society (5).

On the other hand, technology has spread over many areas which act as a trigger point for the increase in gap between wealthy and needy person (6). Even though there are plenty of new machinery rushing to the market each day, they are almost extremely costlier which can not be afforded by an indigent person (7). This, in turn, results in the needy person to go penniless, in contrast, facilitate moneyed man to become wealthy individual (8).

Finally, in my opinion, we are in the 21st century where tremendous growth in technology facilitates people to lead a better life with high quality. There are a lot of positive outcomes due to technological innovations which play a key role in bridging the gap between rich and poor people.

In conclusion, with the recent technological invention, there is a lot of scope for poor people to get rid of manual work and thrive towards raising their standard of living. Therefore, new innovations play a vital role in reducing the gap between rich people and poor people.

331 word

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

1. It is often thought that the wide variety of technological advancements are widening/increasing the gap between rich and poor people, whilst other think these advancements are bridging the gap between rich and poor (or a shorter ‘bridging that gap/said gap) — the listed verb better collocate with the word ‘gap’, which in turn should be used with definite article as this is a certain gap we are talking of. At the end of the sentence I suggest avoid using ‘rich and poor’ again as it is already clear from the context what you mean.
2. Many arguments have been made for and against effect of technological inventions rich and poor people — By rich and poor? For rich and poor? A preposition is needed here. See this entry about prepositions for the basic cases of usage.
3. On one hand, many people think that the growth in technology reduces the difference between the rich person and (the) poor person (or the rich and the poor person) — it is important to be consistent with your use of articles here.
4. This can be attributed to the growing inventions in all fields, which facilitate people to use a range of machinery for accomplishing the tasks, that in turn reduce the dependency on people for accomplishing the task — try to paraphrase this bit — ‘accomplishing the task’ twice in the same sentence really stands out.
5. A good illustration is the invention of machinery for weeding, planting, harvesting and food processing which evidently reduces the time and people involved in these tasks and results in huge profit for agrarian society — ‘machinery’ is normally used in singular.
6. On the other hand, technology has spread over many areas which act as a trigger point for the increase in gap between (a/the) wealthy and (a/the) needy person — as the nouns are in singular, there should be an article, either definite or indefinite, used with each of the nouns.
7. Even though there is plenty of new machinery rushing to the market each day, almost all of it is extremely costly and can not be afforded by an indigent person — ‘Machinery’ is singular. I have altered the second clause the way I understood it. The original was a bit difficult to get right.
8. This, in turn, results in the needy person to go penniless and in contrast facilitates moneyed man to become wealthy individual — ‘this’ is singular and refers to the verb ‘to facilitate’. The latter therefore should be used in singular too. I didn’t correct ‘moneyed man’ but it is stylistically out of place — try to use a more formal vocabulary in your essay.

The trend of purchasing used goods is on the rise in comparison with people buying brand new ones (1). The main reason for this kind of trend is the reduced cost involved in buying second-hand goods (2). In my view, this trend has an adverse effect on the whole society, as it promotes consumerism and fourfold the rubbish produced all over the world (3).

One of the reason for consumers to show a great deal of interest in used commodities is the cheaper rate involved in buying second-hand goods (4). One’s a person purchase any goods and wish to re-sell it, minimum half of the price gets reduced on the goods purchased (5). This promotes people from the middle class to get needed things at a reduced cost in comparison with original price involved in it (6). A recent survey from the OLX (a website for selling used goods ) shows an overwhelming response from people in buying used things in comparison with first-hand commodities (7).

The amount of money incurred in purchasing second-hand goods is increasing drastically, which have a negative influence on the community (8). This is because people are involved in purchasing things which are not necessary (9). This kind of behaviour promotes people to discard the working replicas of things at home and buy new ones at discounted price (10). As an adverse effect of this consumerism, the amount of rubbish produced all over the world has extensively increased. Furthermore, this has drawbacks on the environment as the landfills to fill rubbish is on the rise.

In conclusion, the whole world has modelled buying second hand goods in comparison with first-hand things (11). This can be attributed to the low cost involved in purchasing used commodities in contrast with the high price of getting new things. Though this trend looks beneficial to people, it has adverse ramification on the whole environment.

315 words

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

1. The trend of purchasing used goods is on the rise in comparison with people buying brand new ones — there are no actual mistakes here, but the reader has to make a logical leap to understand that ‘new ones’ is used in contrast to ‘used goods’.
2. The main reason for this trend is the reduced cost involved in buying second-hand goods —’kind of’ doesn’t add anything to the text. Avoid littering your text with padding phrases that do not introduce anything new. See concise writing.
3. In my view, this trend has an adverse effect on the whole society, as it promotes consumerism and fourfold the rubbish produced all over the world — you have used ‘trend’ three times in three successive sentences, all in your introductory paragraph. Consider using a synonym (e.g. ‘notion’, ‘tendency’) or rephrasing your ideas to avoid using this word.
4. One of the reasons for consumers to show a great deal of interest in used commodities is the lower prices of  second-hand goods — ‘One of the reasons’ — one of many reasons. I have altered the second part of the text (underlined) — don’t make it complicated just for the sake of puzzling your reader. Stick to simpler constructions unless you are sure they won’t cause any confusion.
5. One is that when a person buys and unwraps a brand-new item, its resale value goes down by at least 50%.— I get what you meant here and corrected the sentence accordingly.
6. This encourages people from the middle class to get needed things at a reduced cost in comparison with original price involved in it. — I have suggested a more suitable verb. You should also consider dropping the part after ‘cost’ as it doesn’t add anything new.
7. A recent survey by OLX (a website for selling used goods ) shows an overwhelming number of people buying used things in comparison with first-hand commodities — a survey is held by someone. You don’t need a definite article here — see this entry on English articles basics.
8. The amount of money involved in purchasing second-hand goods is increasing drastically, which has a negative influence on the community — ‘incurred’ has a different meaning. ‘To have’ in the second clause refers to the situation of increasing, which is singular.
9. This is because people are involved in purchasing things which are not necessary — it is unclear what is not necessary — the things or the people.
10. This kind of behaviour promotes people to discard the working replicas of things at home and buy new ones at discounted price — what are ‘the working replicas’? I haven’t corrected this but it has to be rephrased.
11. In conclusion, the whole world has modelled buying second hand goods in comparison with first-hand things — I can only guess that ‘to model’ here means ‘to show, to demonstrate’. I didn’t correct it as I’m unsure what the author meant by it. As an addition, I wouldn’t use ‘first-hand’ to imply that the item wasn’t pre-owned. Stick to a more widely accepted ‘new’, ‘brand-new’.

While text has an adequate structuring and acceptable idea-development, multiple vocabulary inaccuracies make it difficult to understand. An extensive use of padding constructions (e.g. “This promotes people from the middle class to get needed things at a reduced cost in comparison with original price involved in it“) will drive the overall mark even lower. Consider using simpler constructions and breaking longer sentences into shorter ones.

In families, elders are keen on repairing things, in contrast to with buying new items, as it can result in wastage of money (1). Everyone needs money for spending a prosperous life, so we need to spend it carefully on necessary goods (2). This habit is modelled in a majority of homes which promotes inspires people to stop buying unnecessary things and give high priority to for repair and reuse of commodities (3).

It is observed that people are interested in fixing the problem with the goods in comparison with purchasing new items (4). I completely agree with this notion and believe this will have a negative influence on companies who are indulged in producing consumer goods (5).

This approach has an adverse effect on industries who are working on consumer goods. This is because, as individuals are more keen on fixing the problems with the items, thus impacting the sale of new goods which badly affects the organizations. Therefore, firms may see a decline, which will have adverse consequences on the people who are working in these companies.

In conclusion, repairing goods rather than purchasing new ones is vital all around (6). This trend is definitely positive, that facilitates people to limit think wisely before spending their earnings on brand-new items. However, this growth impacts firms indulged in the production of new goods will see a that might see a downward trend (7).

234 words

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

1. In families, elders are keen on repairing things in contrast to buying new items, as it can result in wasting/spending money.
2. Everyone needs money for a prosperous life, so we need to spend it carefully on necessary goods only — I have added ‘only’ for more emphasis.
3. This habit is modelled in a majority of homes which encourages people to stop buying unnecessary things and give high priority to for repair and reuse of commodities.
4. It is observed that people are interested in fixing the problem with the goods as opposed to purchasing new things.
5. I completely agree with this notion and believe that this will have a negative influence on companies that are involved in producing consumer goods — companies are inanimate object are therefore you should use ‘that’ instead of ‘who’.
6. In conclusion, repairing goods rather than purchasing new ones is vital all around — it is unclear what the author means by ‘vital all around’. Consider using a simpler construction so your reader would understand you.
7. However, this growth impacts firms involved in the production of new goods will see a that might see a downward trend.

This essay needs a lot of work to be considered good.

1. The structure needs reworking. Introductory paragraph is too big, it contains information that would better be used in a body paragraph.
2. More complex collocations are used incorrectly, at times this stands in the way of understanding.

Some of these mistakes could be avoided with proof-reading. This is a universal solutions to many inaccuracies of any written work. Three minutes spent on proofreading can improve your mark dramatically.