IELTS Writing Task 2 Archives - Page 2 of 4

IELTS Writing Task 2: High Salaries

In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Righteous thinking
People are divided in their opinion regarding whether governments should allow a small number of people to benefit from huge earnings. Instead, one suggestion aims for leveling the average household income (1). This essay takes a look at both sides of the argument.
First and foremost, citizens must understand that wealthy people and the development of their country are not directly connected. Taking for granted that rich people will distribute their wealth towards improvements in separate areas of the nation is considerably risky. Broadly speaking, people adhere to resemble genuine consumers rather than intelligent investors (2). Therefore, cases in which these residents waste their fortune for personal purposes are numerous. Apart from that influential people can lovely live their life without struggling to augment the local community (3).
Another point worth noting is the futile measure concocted by middle class people aiming for income equality. However, even though governments are entitled with the course of income flux, individual revenues can not be entirely taxed (4). Athletes and prestigious business owners can not be compelled to reduce their annual salary or bonuses. Nevertheless, higher authorities should aim for evenly spreading wealth across their country. For instance, one possible solution is supporting the poor with money collected from the rich who are willing to give a helping hand. In addition, jobs which require few qualifications should be offered perks such as cars belonging to the firm or mobile phones (5). To sum up, a nation’s status lies beneath the well-being of all of its dwellers not just the upper class.
Considering the aforementioned, it is my belief that governmental administrations need to fight for all people irrespective of their economic situation. Consequently, the best way to do so is by increasing the minimum wage and taking into account inflation.

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

Instead, one suggestion aims at leveling the average household income — If a suggestion is aimed at something, then it is directed towards this subject (probably to somehow change the subject for the better). If you aim for something, then you literally aim at it (i.e. with a gun) to hit it.
Broadly speaking, people adhere to resemble typical consumers rather than intelligent investors — I couldn’t understand the intended meaning behind ‘genuine consumers’ and changed it to fit the immediate context.
Apart from that influential people can live their (carefree) life without struggling to augment the local community — ‘lovely’ here sounds too informal. Moreover, mind the adverb position in a clause — there is a great article at Cambridge dictionary website.
They are usually called ‘company cars’.

The main issue with this essay is that the author attempts to use wider range of words and phrases and they do not always collocate. Like in any other language, synonyms in English all have slightly different shades of meanings that are not always interchangeable (see first two sentences of body paragraph 2).

Other than that, the essay is well-written. It is well structured and sufficiently descriptive to address all of the points in the task. At times there are slight cohesion problems that can be overcome with more exposure to reading English texts.

IELTS Writing Task 2: Online Education

Universities offer an online course for students. Do you think its a positive or negative development for students?

Learning variants
People are divided in their opinion regarding whether online courses serve for the betterment of students or,on the contrary, for the worse (1). As far as I am concerned, I strongly support the view pointing at the bright side of the argument,although there are some negative aspects. Nevertheless, my reasons will be explained in the following paragraphs.
First and foremost, the availability of online courses definitely contributes to the academic life of students with disabilities. Lacking sight or hearing should not represent a barrier towards learning and thus pursuing a university (2). Moreover, learners who can not afford public transport due to poor financial stability can also be helped through this initiative. In other words, long distances no longer pose a criterion of selection between further and secondary education (3). This online course levels the discrepancy between the opportunities a wealthy child would benefit from in comparison with a not so fortunate one. Another advantage of online teaching is the unique possibility of recording lessons for different purposes (4). For instance,one can record a difficult presentation in order to recap and fully understand all the information provided.
On the down side, hackers have become too skilled not to access these courses mainly designed to reach university students. Consequently, they might redistribute all data in exchange of a well defined sum of money, which according to the law represents an infringement of online policies (5). Furthermore, students can now skip classes or simply not attend them, because they opine it is more convenient to pay attention to the lecture from home (6). As a result, this approach will lead to decreasing satisfaction about social life and joining an entourage .
Considering the aforementioned, I still support online courses and I would certainly recommend them to any existing university or college. The advantages brought by this brilliant idea far outweigh the disadvantages.

People are divided in their opinion regarding whether online courses serve for the betterment of students or,on the contrary, for the worsening (?)— I would advise sticking to similar parts of speech in the case of ‘or’ conjunction. However, even after correction the second part of the sentence sounds rather awkward. Consider making the second part of the sentence clearer by using simpler constructions:
— … whether online courses serve to improve students’ experience or, on the contrary, make it worse. The focus here shifts towards what students’ themselves feel about the change, rather than the originally intended idea of other people’s opinion about the online course.
— … whether online courses (serve to) produce better students or, on the contrary, fail to do so — ending the sentence with ‘worse ones’ wouldn’t look or sound good, so I opted for a slightly different phrase.
Lacking sight or hearing should not represent a barrier towards learning and thus pursuing a university (degree) — ‘To pursue a university’ doesn’t convey the meaning of studying for a degree.
In other words, long distances no longer are a criterion of selection between further and secondary education — ‘pose’ and ‘criterion’ do not collocate. The verb ‘pose’ is usually used with something that presents a challenge, problem, risk or something else with a negative connotation (but not everything!).
Another advantage of online learning is the unique possibility of recording lessons for different purposes. — The reason I preferred ‘learning’ here is the sentence that follows this one, which develops the idea of advantages from a student’s point of view.
Consequently, they might redistribute all data in exchange for a well-defined sum of money, which according to the law represents an infringement of online policies — well-defined is a compound adjective and should be hyphenated.
Furthermore, students could now skip classes or simply not attend them, because they (would ) opine that it is more convenient to pay attention to the lecture from home. — Remember that we are talking about a hypothetical situation, so a use of second conditional is necessary.

A good piece of writing. All of the points were developed to sufficient extent, the structure is well-defined. Lexical and grammar aspects are of adequate level, albeit with occasional mistakes that nonetheless do not get in the way of understanding.

IELTS Writing Task 2: 21st Century Optimism

Many people are optimistic of the 21st century and see it as an opportunity to make positive changes to the world. To what extent do you share their optimism? What changes would you like to see in the new century?

Possible scenarios
It is often believed that the 21st century can trigger lots of improvements to the planet and not only (1) . As far as I am concerned I remain reluctant to the course of this incredible period (2).
First and foremost, throughout this century people have created and innovated to an astonishing extent. The release of computers all around the world generated an overwhelming impact to the lifestyles of many (3). Moreover, this discovery combined with later breakthroughs such as free network, cell phones and drones enabled the population to communicate in real time despite enormous distances. However, mankind also managed to create great threads to its existence (4). Nuclear bombs and climate change, although seemingly different they both share in common the same danger we are faced (5). In addition, recent economical crisis ensued in drastic drawbacks at a global scale, hence raising unemployment,crime and inequality (6). Therefore, thus far more harm was caused than creating possible solutions leading to a better world (7).
Last but not the least, my level of confidence into human’s potential still remains positive (8).Provided that we use all the supplied information and make astute decisions some changes, aiming for the better, might appear. For instance, I would like to live in an era where war represents a strange word. Conflicts in the Middle East can cease through rational thinking and peaceful agreements. Furthermore, a drastic decline in the level of pollution can take place if everybody offers help towards this cause. Lastly, my preference regards raising awareness about individual rights as a mean to reduce the gender inequality index (9).
Having the aforementioned being said the future seems blurry for our behaviour can never be precisely predicted (10).
285 words

It is often believed that the 21st century can bring/bring about lots of improvements to the planet and beyond — trigger is not used with ‘improvements’. If you are unsure whether words collocate, try googling your phrase or use services like Ludwig. ‘To the planet and not only’ sounds like literal translation of something used in your own language. I have slightly altered it.
As far as I am concerned I remain skeptical about the current direction of this century/period/era. — Again, I have changed the sentence the way I understood it. Why do you call the period ‘incredible’? Try to substantiate and explain your ideas unless it is clear from context.
The introduction/availability of computers all around the world made an overwhelming impact on the lifestyles of many — the first part of the sentence talks about how computers became easier to get and the changes that followed it. Another collocation: to make an impact; impact normally takes the ‘on’ preposition. See the article on prepositions for the general rules to avoid making mistakes in the most basic cases.
However, mankind also managed to create great threats to its existence — wrong or misspelled word.
Nuclear bombs and climate change, although seemingly different both share in common the same danger we are faced (with)/we face. — there is no need for they as the subject(s) of the sentence are present
In addition, recent economic/financial crisis ensued in drastic drawbacks at a global scale, hence raising unemployment, crime and inequality — Although economical crisis can be used, the former are much more common.
Therefore, far more harm was caused than creating possible solutions leading to a better world —Therefore and thus are very close in meaning, using two together is redundant.
Last but not the least, my level of confidence in human’s potential still remains high — a level can be high or low, I would avoid using ‘positive’ with it. Note the use of preposition with ‘confidence’.
Lastly, I regard raising awareness about individual rights as a mean to reduce the gender inequality index — It is better to make it more personal — you regard something, not your preference.
Considering the aforementioned the future seems blurry for our behaviour can never be precisely predicted — another redundancy. Avoid unnecessary word repetition whenever possible.

The key points of this essay are sufficiently developed. There is still a considerable amount of inaccuracies in terms of vocabulary and grammar which sometimes make it difficult to understand the sentence.

I would also recommend making introduction and conclusion paragraphs slightly bigger, at least three sentences each.

IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay: Increasing crime levels

IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample increasing crime levels

It is true that the crime rate has been rising, especially in larger cities. Many factors are at the root of this serious issue. However, several researches have shown that this is mainly related to educational aspects and information. Thus, governments should tackle crime by improving educational system.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Education and information are both elements to take into account when it comes to offence. Schools and universities play a crucial role in affecting one’s behaviour as an individual and should be the places, in tandem with home, where people learn what is right and wrong and the effects of one’s behaviour on our society. For this reason, the lack of educational and preventative initiatives concerning crime may result in an increase in offences. For instance, according to several university studies, pupils attending schools where workshops about (1) civil rights and justice take place are less likely to become vandalists or robbers in the future.
Therefore, governments should promote crime-related educational activities in state schools (2). It would be also necessary to encourage companies by financial incentives to allow workers to attend training courses connected with bribery, fraud and corporate crime. Learning more about crime and the related punishments can be seen as one of the most powerful preventative measures against offence. Take the private companies operating in UK. Most employers there make sure that (3) their staff are well educated (4) about preventative measures at fighting crime and the consequences of committing offence.
To sum up, offence (5), one of the main issues in our society, is increasing in today’s world. The lack of an efficient educational system may represent one of the most significant causes of this phenomenon. Yet, governments can take action to combat crime by encouraging both institutions and enterprises to develop crime-related education programs.
297 words

workshops on— ‘A workshop on something’ would be more inline with the overall highly-academical style used in the text. ‘About’ sounds a bit too colloquial here.
Although not a mistake per se, this sentence would make more sentence as the last one in the previous paragraph. It would do well in summing up the ideas mentioned there.
If you choose to move it to the previous paragraph, then you would need a new introductory sentence for this one.
Take the private companies operating in UK. Most employers there make sure ~~that~~ — ‘that’ can be omitted here — it is a so-called ‘complementiser’. It is by no means a mistake, however I would recommend cutting down on words that do not contribute anything to the sentence. Concise writing, even though it doesn’t impact your exam mark greatly, is a nice practice to make your text more reader-friendly.
their staff are well-educated — ‘well-educated’ should take a hyphen here. Think of it this way — their staff is not both physically healthy(‘well’) and professionally knowledgeable(‘educated’). They are sufficiently educated in their field of expertise.
Offence. You have used the word five times throughout the essay, either come up with a synonym or restructure the phrase to avoid repeating it. Some synonyms from the top of my head: wrongdoing, misdeed, delinquency. All have different shades of meaning, but the general notions remains the same. It is important to use synonyms for words that are used often.

This is a high-quality piece of writing. The structure is well-defined, grammar and vocabular structures are nearly impeccable and diverse. Occasional few inaccuracies do not stand in the way of understanding.

IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay: Practical skills and knowledge

In the modern world, more and more emphasis is being placed on acquisition of practical skills rather than knowledge from text books of other sources.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

Nowadays, it is common belief that people should be more concerned about practical skills rather than theoretical ones. Others disagree with this assumption. This essay will discuss the main positive and negative aspects of focusing on practise (1) instead of theory.
Generally speaking, acquiring practical skills has become essential for every job seeker. Therefore, the majority of job interviewers require from their candidates some technical experience to cover a certain position. In addition to this, internships and traineeships play a crucial role in preparing recent graduates for working life. For instance, the European program Erasmus provides a wide range of options for students aimed at gaining work experience to let them have access to the job market in an easier and faster way.
On the other hand, in-depth theoretical knowledge about the field of activity in which a potential or current worker is involved is important: without it, it is even unlikely to set objectives and targets for a company. Moreover, possessing theoretical knowledge may also affect the amount of money a worker can earn. An evidence of this can be given by the fact that having a qualification, such as a Bachelor’s Degree or a certain certificate, is almost always a requirement for doing white collar jobs (2), which are, in most cases, those with the highest salaries.
To sum up, many individuals consider acquiring practical experience more necessary than developing knowledge (3) about principles or rules. This essay discussed the main advantages and drawbacks of this statement. Whether practise plays a more vital role than theory or not, it is clear that they are both significant in modern life.
268 words

Practice— ‘practise’ is a verb, the noun is spelled with letter c — ‘practice’. See this list of words that are easy to misspell.
White–collar —’ white-collar’ is a compound adjective and should be hyphenated
Knowledge — consider finding a synonym for knowledge, such as ‘competence’, ‘expertise’ or something similar in meaning

This essay is superb. The only downside it has is the occasional vocabulary inaccuracies that should be easy to avoid with proof-reading the writing. Never underestimate the importance of proofreading.

IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay: Corporate sponsorship in sports

IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Essay corporate sponsorship in sports

Some companies sponsor sport as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages.
Discuss both views and give your opinion

It is true that many enterprises fund sport teams or clubs with the aim to get publicity for themselves. Although many individuals consider this practise (1) right and correct like any other promotional material, others seem to be more sceptical. Despite this, it seems to be noticeable that the benefits behind this marketing tool far overweight (2) the negative sides.
Even though the primary aim pursued by the company sponsors is to increase their visibility, there are several social positive effects as a result of this practice. First of all, nobody would have any interest in sponsoring this kind of activities without a rise in turnover due to it. We live in a materialistic society, where most healthy activities would never be promoted for free. This means that, even if the primary aim (3) of the sponsors is advertising themselves, these companies play a significant role in encouraging people to join sport clubs and to live an active lifestyle. For instance, private companies like Rolex are essential for many football teams which could not even remain on the market (4) without their financial help.
Yet, some drawbacks concerning this practice should be taken into account. Among them, one seems to be the most relevant: the disparity of performances which can result in some cases: whenever the funds in favour of the involved sport team are modest and, by contrast, the company sponsor makes a great profit by advertising itself this way, the trade itself can be seen as unfair. However, this mainly depends on the negotiation skills of the counterparts (5).
In conclusion, whether funding sports as a way to create publicity for themselves is right or not, it is still a controversial issue. However, it is worth sharing the opinion that sponsors are almost always necessary to allow many sport clubs and teams to stay on the market.
309 words

Practice— ‘practise’ is a verb, the noun is ‘practice’ — I have taken the liberty to correct this mistake in the rest of the essay. A similar case is advice(noun) and advise(verb). See the full list of tricky words in English.
the benefits behind this marketing tool far outweigh the negative sides — ‘overweight’ is an adjective with a different meaning.
‘primary aim’ is used twice in the same paragraph. Consider paraphrasing it.
For instance, private companies like Rolex are essential for many football teams which could not even remain in the sports without their financial help. — ‘market’ does not fit very well to describe sports environment such as football. I would advise using something different. A more general ‘sports’ would do better, or a figurative ‘game’, e.g. ‘they wouldn’t be able to stay in the game’.
Paragraph three is slightly underlength and the idea there is insufficiently developed. Consider expanding it, adding supplementary arguments or increasing its size otherwise.

This writing is of very good quality, even though there are some minor shortcomings that could be easily rectified. Both grammatical and vocabulary structures are of considerable level.

Body paragraph two seems underdeveloped. The idea could be expanded further. The essay is over 300 words long. While this is not directly punished, writing a longer essay almost inevitably entails more mistakes. To be fair, this does not seem to be the case in this particular essay, but one should always keep this in mind.

IELTS Writing Task 2: Roads or Railways

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The usage of government money to enhance the railway system is preferable (1) than utilizing (2) it to strengthen the road transport system. While I completely agree with the view (3) of administration ought to focus on railways, I also believe that even roads should be widened and monitored regularly for any potholes (4), which help people to have a pleasant travel experience on a day-to-day basis.
To begin with, there are several benefits of having an efficient railway system in place to cope up (5) with the growing population. In fact, railway transport system is indeed flexible and convenient for long travels because all basic facilities are addressed and taken care (6) efficiently in railways. A prime example is the provision of washroom facilities, sleeper coach and option (7) of selecting food from a variety of different caterers makes the rail journey all the more comfortable.
Nevertheless, there is a need for government to prioritize even the road transport system which is the most opted form of transportation by the people (8) on daily basis. It is undeniable that majority of individuals own a car and look forward to luxury and convenience while commuting to the office, thus prefer to use their own vehicle rather than singing in for railways. Therefore, the condition of the roads should be monitored at regular intervals and proper actions should be taken to repair any damage on the roads.
In conclusion, the government should take a judgmental decision in spending money and give equal importance to both railway and road transportation which are the essential form of transport systems. Having a good transportation system in place is a preferred choice of almost every individual, which should be addressed by the administration.
288 words

The usage of government money to enhance the railway system is (more) preferable— you have to use a comparative adjective here. Alternatively, you can use ‘preferable to‘ construction.
than spending it to strengthen the road transport system — ‘utilizing’ is not the best alternative collocation for ‘money’.
While I completely agree with the view that administration — ‘of’ is changed to ‘that’.
Roads should be widened and monitored regularly for potholes — ‘any’ can be omitted here as it doesn’t add anything new to the idea of this phrase.
To begin with, there are several benefits of having an efficient railway system in place to cope — there is no such phrasal verb as ‘cope up’. ‘To cope’ is enough here to convey the meaning.
In fact, railway transport system is indeed flexible and convenient for long travels because all basic facilities are addressed and taken care of — ‘to take care of’ is a set phrase and therefore it can’t be changed i.e. you can’t omit ‘of’.
A prime example is the provision of washroom facilities, sleeper coach and (the) option of selecting food — a particular option is mentioned here, use a definite article.
Most opted form of transportation by the people —what people are meant here? Make sure your articles serve a purpose.

IELTS Writing Task 2: Children’s Choice

Some people argue that children should do what their parents tell them to do. Other people think that children should learn how to think for themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is commonly believed that kids ought to follow the instructions given by their parents, whilst others think kids should be given the liberty to listen to their own self. The purpose of this essay is to analyse both sides of the argument and then I will give my own perspective.
Parents hold the responsibility of guiding and assisting their children in following their guideline. First and foremost, parents have a lot of expertise in each and every aspect of life, which enable them to take better decision for their kids’ well-being and intense growth in all fields (1). For example, Lathe Mangeshkar who is the Nightingale of India got immense support from their parents in identifying her hidden talent and nurturing it.
On the flip side, children should opt their choice without being influenced by others, according to some (2). This is because each and every kid is gifted with the ability to think on their own and make the necessary decision as per requirement. A prime example is the life history of Dr. Rajkumar from sandalwood industry. During his childhood, he found his great impulse in acting and choose film industry as his career, thus achieved great heights and earned both name and fame (3).
Finally, in my opinion, I am in favor of people who think youngster should be given the privilege to carefully think from their perspective and share the same with their parents rather than burdening them with parent’s choice (4).
In conclusion, children are the future of our nation. So, it is guardians responsibility to make kids understand necessary concepts about leading life and support them in choosing the right choice. Nevertheless, parents should guide children in making the right choice rather than masking kids opinion.
292 words

First and foremost, parents have a lot of expertise in each and every aspect of life, which enables them to take better decision for their kids’ well-being and intense growth in all fields. — expertise enables them.
On the flip side, children should make their choice without being influenced by others, according to some. — You can ‘opt for something’ or ‘opt to do something’. If you are unsure how to use a certain construction, it is better to use a more familiar one than make a mistake in a more complex one.
During his childhood, he found his great impulse in acting and chose film industry as his career, thus (he) achieved (or thus achieving) great heights and earned (or earning) both name and fame — both verbs in the first clause should be in the past. Second clause is either missing a pronoun or the verb is used in wrong form.
Finally, in my opinion, I am in favour of people who think youngster should be given the privilege to carefully think from their perspective and share the same with their parents rather than burdening them with parent’s choice. — you are using British English spelling and vocabulary throughout your essay: ‘whilst’, ‘analyse’. It is important to be consistent with it.

IELTS Writing Task 2: Wealth and Technology

Some people think the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others think it is causing the opposite side effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is often thought that the wide variety of technological advancements are rising gap between rich and poor people, whilst other think these advancements are bridging the gap between rich and poor (1). Many arguments have been made for and against effect of technological inventions rich and poor people (2). In this essay, I will discuss both views and give my own position.
On one hand, many people think that the growth in technology reduces the difference between the rich person and poor person (3). This can be attributed to the growing inventions in all fields, which facilitate people to use a range of machinery for accomplishing the tasks, that in turn reduce the dependency on people for accomplishing the task (4). A good illustration is the invention of machineries for weeding, planting, harvesting and food processing which evidently reduce the time and people involved in these tasks and result in huge profit for agrarian society (5).
On the other hand, technology has spread over many areas which act as a trigger point for the increase in gap between wealthy and needy person (6). Even though there are plenty of new machinery rushing to the market each day, they are almost extremely costlier which can not be afforded by an indigent person (7). This, in turn, results in the needy person to go penniless, in contrast, facilitate moneyed man to become wealthy individual (8).
Finally, in my opinion, we are in the 21st century where tremendous growth in technology facilitates people to lead a better life with high quality. There are a lot of positive outcomes due to technological innovations which play a key role in bridging the gap between rich and poor people.
In conclusion, with the recent technological invention, there is a lot of scope for poor people to get rid of manual work and thrive towards raising their standard of living. Therefore, new innovations play a vital role in reducing the gap between rich people and poor people.
331 word

It is often thought that the wide variety of technological advancements are widening/increasing the gap between rich and poor people, whilst other think these advancements are bridging the gap between rich and poor (or a shorter ‘bridging that gap/said gap) — the listed verb better collocate with the word ‘gap’, which in turn should be used with definite article as this is a certain gap we are talking of. At the end of the sentence I suggest avoid using ‘rich and poor’ again as it is already clear from the context what you mean.
Many arguments have been made for and against effect of technological inventions rich and poor people — By rich and poor? For rich and poor? A preposition is needed here. See this entry about prepositions for the basic cases of usage.
On one hand, many people think that the growth in technology reduces the difference between the rich person and (the) poor person (or the rich and the poor person) — it is important to be consistent with your use of articles here.
This can be attributed to the growing inventions in all fields, which facilitate people to use a range of machinery for accomplishing the tasks, that in turn reduce the dependency on people for accomplishing the task — try to paraphrase this bit — ‘accomplishing the task’ twice in the same sentence really stands out.
A good illustration is the invention of machinery for weeding, planting, harvesting and food processing which evidently reduces the time and people involved in these tasks and results in huge profit for agrarian society — ‘machinery’ is normally used in singular.
On the other hand, technology has spread over many areas which act as a trigger point for the increase in gap between (a/the) wealthy and (a/the) needy person — as the nouns are in singular, there should be an article, either definite or indefinite, used with each of the nouns.
Even though there is plenty of new machinery rushing to the market each day, almost all of it is extremely costly and can not be afforded by an indigent person — ‘Machinery’ is singular. I have altered the second clause the way I understood it. The original was a bit difficult to get right.
This, in turn, results in the needy person to go penniless and in contrast facilitates moneyed man to become wealthy individual — ‘this’ is singular and refers to the verb ‘to facilitate’. The latter therefore should be used in singular too. I didn’t correct ‘moneyed man’ but it is stylistically out of place — try to use a more formal vocabulary in your essay.

IELTS Writing Task 2: Second-hand goods

Nowadays many people are buying fewer new things and more second hand goods. What are the possible reason for this trend? Is it positive or negative ?

The trend of purchasing used goods is on the rise in comparison with people buying brand new ones (1). The main reason for this kind of trend is the reduced cost involved in buying second-hand goods (2). In my view, this trend has an adverse effect on the whole society, as it promotes consumerism and fourfold the rubbish produced all over the world (3).
One of the reason for consumers to show a great deal of interest in used commodities is the cheaper rate involved in buying second-hand goods (4). One’s a person purchase any goods and wish to re-sell it, minimum half of the price gets reduced on the goods purchased (5). This promotes people from the middle class to get needed things at a reduced cost in comparison with original price involved in it (6). A recent survey from the OLX (a website for selling used goods ) shows an overwhelming response from people in buying used things in comparison with first-hand commodities (7).
The amount of money incurred in purchasing second-hand goods is increasing drastically, which have a negative influence on the community (8). This is because people are involved in purchasing things which are not necessary (9). This kind of behaviour promotes people to discard the working replicas of things at home and buy new ones at discounted price (10). As an adverse effect of this consumerism, the amount of rubbish produced all over the world has extensively increased. Furthermore, this has drawbacks on the environment as the landfills to fill rubbish is on the rise.
In conclusion, the whole world has modelled buying second hand goods in comparison with first-hand things (11). This can be attributed to the low cost involved in purchasing used commodities in contrast with the high price of getting new things. Though this trend looks beneficial to people, it has adverse ramification on the whole environment.
315 words

The trend of purchasing used goods is on the rise in comparison with people buying brand new ones — there are no actual mistakes here, but the reader has to make a logical leap to understand that ‘new ones’ is used in contrast to ‘used goods’.
The main reason for this trend is the reduced cost involved in buying second-hand goods —’kind of’ doesn’t add anything to the text. Avoid littering your text with padding phrases that do not introduce anything new. See concise writing.
In my view, this trend has an adverse effect on the whole society, as it promotes consumerism and fourfold the rubbish produced all over the world — you have used ‘trend’ three times in three successive sentences, all in your introductory paragraph. Consider using a synonym (e.g. ‘notion’, ‘tendency’) or rephrasing your ideas to avoid using this word.
One of the reasons for consumers to show a great deal of interest in used commodities is the lower prices of second-hand goods — ‘One of the reasons’ — one of many reasons. I have altered the second part of the text (underlined) — don’t make it complicated just for the sake of puzzling your reader. Stick to simpler constructions unless you are sure they won’t cause any confusion.
One is that when a person buys and unwraps a brand-new item, its resale value goes down by at least 50%.— I get what you meant here and corrected the sentence accordingly.
This encourages people from the middle class to get needed things at a reduced cost in comparison with original price involved in it. — I have suggested a more suitable verb. You should also consider dropping the part after ‘cost’ as it doesn’t add anything new.
A recent survey by OLX (a website for selling used goods ) shows an overwhelming number of people buying used things in comparison with first-hand commodities — a survey is held by someone. You don’t need a definite article here — see this entry on English articles basics.
The amount of money involved in purchasing second-hand goods is increasing drastically, which has a negative influence on the community — ‘incurred’ has a different meaning. ‘To have’ in the second clause refers to the situation of increasing, which is singular.
This is because people are involved in purchasing things which are not necessary — it is unclear what is not necessary — the things or the people.
This kind of behaviour promotes people to discard the working replicas of things at home and buy new ones at discounted price — what are ‘the working replicas’? I haven’t corrected this but it has to be rephrased.
In conclusion, the whole world has modelled buying second hand goods in comparison with first-hand things — I can only guess that ‘to model’ here means ‘to show, to demonstrate’. I didn’t correct it as I’m unsure what the author meant by it. As an addition, I wouldn’t use ‘first-hand’ to imply that the item wasn’t pre-owned. Stick to a more widely accepted ‘new’, ‘brand-new’.

While text has an adequate structuring and acceptable idea-development, multiple vocabulary inaccuracies make it difficult to understand. An extensive use of padding constructions (e.g. “This promotes people from the middle class to get needed things at a reduced cost in comparison with original price involved in it“) will drive the overall mark even lower. Consider using simpler constructions and breaking longer sentences into shorter ones.