CAE Essay Archives - EngExam.info

CAE Essay: Living in Cities

Why do young people choose to live in cities?

As we all know we are living in a competitive world. The more we go for better opportunities the less we wander in life. But why many young people now prefer to live in cities? There can be a wide range of reasons for the cause.
In one perspective (1) the factor which influences young people to live in cities is work. There is a greater range of jobs available in cities. Even if a person is uneducated or had poor performance in academics could find a job in cities. (2) On the other side, many MNC’s builds their base (3) in cities offering a different range of positions for youth. (4) Even though it seems expensive in the short run, it is far more beneficial that cities offer a wide class of jobs.
Moreover, there are several other factors which (5) influence the young to stay in cities. When considering the factors education is the other main reason. Most universities are in big cities. The (6) young people being more concerned in studies choose a university in the city. As a reason, in order to be economically stable, they prefer to shift (7)to the city. This choice has more advantages either you could do a part-time job in any shop in cities or find more time to work for your academics.
To conclude the motive of the young people to live in cities is a worthful choice. The most significant factor among the two is work. As stated before there is a greater range of jobs available in cities which the young people can do as far as their potential. It is not that important that a person has a well-paid job it is needed that they can earn anything for their daily life. (8) So, it is job opportunities that influence many young people to prefer to live in cities.
(305 words)

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

I’ve never encountered that particular introductory construction and googling it gave me no relevant search results. I would suggest using a different wording for your introductory phrase.
Even if a person is uneducated or had poor performance academically they could still find a job in cities.— we need to add ‘they’ because there is a new clause that needs a subject. I changed academics to academically, an even better option would be poor academic performance. Still is added for emphasis.
Avoid using obscure acronyms and abbreviations. You used many which implies plural, yet builds is in singular. I believe that by base you meant something like headquarters or a head office?
You are referring to young people as one big body of individuals so it should take a definite article. E.g. the police.
Check this article on relative clauses
In this case you imply a certain group of young people. I would avoid using the definite article.
I have not found any cases of the word shift used to convey the meaning of people moving.
This sentence contains three determiners (that). Consider rephrasing the sentence to make it more cohesive.
The word ‘city’ is used 17 in this essay. It is a word that is somewhat difficult to paraphrase (the only option coming to mind is ‘urban agglomeration’), so consider building some of your sentences in a way to avoid using the word. E.g. :
Original sentence: To conclude the motive of the young people to live in cities is a worthful choice
Alternative: To conclude the motive of the young people to live in densely-populated areas is a worthful choice.
Of course, the meaning changes somewhat, but not dramatically so.
A simpler approach is to use adverbs of place (there) or determiners (that) to refer to previous sentences and thus avoid using the repeating word.

Despite numerous suggested corrections this essay is quite nice. The author has a respectable command of English, both grammatically and lexically. The essay is adequately structured and has fluid, convincing arguments. It would be improved by commas placed more aptly and closer attention to articles usage.

CAE Writing Part 1: Time Abroad

What are the benefits to a country from people spending time abroad?

– business
– culture
– understanding

Choose two of the areas in your notes. You should explain why the areas are important and provide reasons in support of your answer.

It goes without saying that spending time abroad is an enriching experience and with the fact that the people have gained experiences trough it. It also brings benefits to the society in which they live.
Firstly, there are advantages for business. If people have spent time living in another country, they will have acquired some knowledge of the spoken language. Even though they may not become fluent, they will be able to communicate in an adequate level (1). As a result they understand and get a sense of the mentality and culture. Furthermore languages skills will stand them in a very good stead, when it comes to doing business with this country (2).
Secondly, there are cultural advantages. People who have lived abroad will know the way of living in the country different from their own. They get in touch with new food, music or arts. Especially if they want to become an artist it may influence their kind of art they did before. In other words knowing new arts have a positive impact on their creativity, which in turn will bring benefits to them as individuals as well as to their own society. Consequently the impact of living abroad has a great influence on both society and the people who lived there for a certain period.
As shown above the two benefits the two benefits of society of spending time abroad which have been discussed, the more significant aspect is, in my opinion, the business own (3). Despite the fact that the globalization brings countries closer and is important for growing, a successful business between nations has all sorts of positive consequences; from increased employment opportunities to better working conditions. The travel experience for itself plays only a small factor contributing to business success, but it certainly is not a significant part in this.

At an adequate level — Wrong preposition here. See this article on prepositions to know the most basic cases and avoid mistakes in the future.
As a result they understand and get a sense of the mentality and culture. Furthermore language skills will stand them in a very good stead when it comes to doing business with this country — language should be used in singular. The comma after ‘stead’ can be omitted.
the more significant aspect is, in my opinion, the business one — it seems that a wrong word has been used here.

Even though the essay contains several inaccuracies, they do not get in the way of understanding it. It has the required structure, all of the required points are mentioned and there is not much that can be improved, other than a slightly longer introductory paragraph. Well done!

CAE Writing Part 1: Helping Immigrants

Your class has watched a television documentary about the benefits of helping immigrants to integrate into their local communities.
Notes:
-Language
-Culture
-Work

Choose two of the areas in your notes. You should explain why the areas are important and provide reasons in support of your answer.

Nowadays, it is said that immigration is a problem that is constantly rising. Within the upsides of helping immigrants are the ethical and moral disciplines. In this essay, the issues of language and culture will be covered.
Firstly, we must take into account how difficult and hard it is for foreigners to adapt to our language. We ought to give our help to these people on this matter, but the question is: how? One answer to this enquiry (1) could be to set an obligatory language exam before the integration for foreseeing how the immigrant will do in the future with our language. Courses could be offered too, paid by the government of each country. However, these measures won´t be effective if we don´t participate. The change in mind must start from us.
Another point to consider is culture. On the one hand, it is true that we could loose (2) our national identity and traditions, but on the other hand, our culture would be enriched too, being this a superb advantage (3). Immigrants would give us difference (4) and amongst all, tolerance, both essential elements in today´s society. In this issue we must also contribute, just by reducing our selfishness and helping others in the daily aspects of life.
To sum up, both areas are necessary and therefore important, as they are the key to modern society. In other words, we couldn´t do without language or culture nowadays. Personally speaking, I believe that we all must participate in this global and ethical change happening and we should happily “celebrate diversity” (5).

One answer to this matter/problem could be — I wouldn’t use this synonym to ‘question’ here as it is not a literal question but instead a matter or a problem that has to be dealt with.
On the one hand, it is true that we could lose our national identity — ‘loose’ is an adjective that means ‘not firm or tight, having slack’. If you did imply that, then the verb would be ‘to loosen’.
Our culture would be enriched too, this (or the latter) being a superb advantage — if I understood this right, this refers to culture getting enriched. Both suggestions would make the connection more clear.
Immigrants would give us variety/diversity — variety or diversity would fit in better. Difference does not possess the implies positive meaning.
I see no reason for parentheses here.

Some minor vocabular inaccuracies aside, this is a very well-written essay. The author is confident with their usage of English, the grammatical and verbal constructions are varied and well-structured. The general structure is in accordance with the task requirements and all of the relevant points are sufficiently developed. Well done!

CAE Writing Part 1: Life and Technology

Which aspect of our life has been effected most by technology?
– Communication
– Relationship
– Working Life

Technology has an important role in our daily lives and it is used in almost the whole globe (1). In this essay, I will discuss about (2) its influences in (3) our relationships and what has changed in our way to communicate.
To start with, we can connect to people who used to be our schoolmates or college colleagues (4) Alternatively, there is the chance on (5) making new friends with whom we share our same ideas or opinions on a large variety of topics, such as politics, education and economics. Nevertheless, being isolated in our own rooms may cause many forms of depression, as scientists have recently found out. Therefore, we should be careful if considering young people because they could be victims of cyber bullying or be attracted by paedophiles.
The second point to consider is its positive effect on the communication. For instance, not only are our messages sent and received from one corner of the world to another in a few seconds, but also the search of information and news has recently become faster. Despite this brilliant innovation, many grammatical features are used more inappropriately than before. Consequently, our language will become easy to manipulate and it will be easer (6) to write and world-widely spread fake news which can influence our opinions.
To sum up, technology is a massive presence impossible to delete and will continue to influence our lives (7). In my opinion, the major aspect to consider most carefully is the second point discussed because we should pay attention on what we read and always find the sources of websites consulted.

Assessor’s comments

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (_*). You can find the commentaries below. The part in italics is from the text, the underlined word is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

Technology has an important role in our daily lives and it is used almost all over/around the globe — preposition ‘in’ isn’t used with ‘globe’ here, it would imply that something is located literally inside of it. See this article on prepositions.
I will discuss (I will talk about) its influences — do not use ‘discuss’ and ‘about’ together.
Influence on — if you mean that something directly or indirectly affects something else, then you should say that it has an influence on it.
College colleagues — colleagues are people you work with. Unless you worked in college together e.g. as teachers you shouldn’t use the word. Try ‘classmate’ for people you studied with.
Chance of — If there is a probability of something, then there is a chance of it happening.
Easier — make sure your spelling is right. Also check this list of words that can be difficult to spell right.
To sum up, technology has massive presence that is impossible to overlook/ignore/get rid of and will continue to influence our lives — ‘to delete’ is a more technical term and it doesn’t fit well into the sentence stylistically.

This piece of writing has several inaccuracies with prepositions and occasional vocabulary mistakes. Nonetheless, it is well-structured and all of the points are sufficiently developed. The writer has chosen two of the three points and clearly stated his preference for one of them, as required by the task.

CAE Writing Part 1: Money from Authorities

Which facilities should receive money from local authorities?
-museums;
-sports centres;
-public gardens.
Write an essay discussing two of the facilities in your notes. You should explain which facility is more important for local authorities to give money to, giving reasons in support of your answer.

When it comes to public spending, there is always a heated debate regarding its destination. One of such debates features facilities: some political figures suggest that public money should be destined to museums, while others consider sports centres more deserving. Public opinion is divided as well.
Firstly, some might think that sports centres could improve personal health- and rightfully so. Practising physical activities regurarly (1) is helpful to people for (2) being healthier and living longer. This habit leads also (3) to another positive outcome: if a consistent (4) part of the population improves their physical health, public healthcare will become less expensive for the government, which may adress (5) its money to a different service. A valid objection to this argument is the possibility of practising physical activities autonomously: people do not necessary (6) need a free gym membership since they could go hiking, running in a park, walking around the city or dedicating themselves to any other activity which may improve their health conditions.
On the contrary, museums offer a service which cannot be self-provided: education. Museum visitors have the chance of seeing several items of historical or scientific value that cannot be seen anywhere else. Some sceptics suppose that the same service might be provided sitting behind a computer screen, but first-hand experience is irreplaceable and creates a bigger impact on the visitor’s mind, helping thus in receiving a unique educational experience that could pay off in a possible future career.
If offering a completely free service is not possible, boosting the number of visitors through group discounts, free visits in specific days and special offers for students and families would be advisable and beneficial.

Regularly — this word is very tricky to spell right. Check this list of words with difficult spelling to avoid such mistakes in the future. And make sure to proof-read before handing your exam paper in!
Practising physical activities regularly helps people to be healthier and live longer. — The construction you are using here is a bit complex and therefore difficult for the reader. It is a matter of personal taste more than anything else, but I suggest using clear and concise ways of expressing your thoughts, especially when it comes to writing. I’ve been recommending this to all of my CAE students and most of them end up scoring high in the Writing part. However, there is nothing wrong with using more advanced constructions — just use your own judgement to make sure that they are effortless to understand.
This habit also leads … — you normally put ‘also‘ before the verb, unless it is a modal verb (i. e. ‘can’, ‘may’, ‘should’ or if the verb is ‘to be’.
Did you mean to use the word ‘considerable‘ here? Or did you mean that the part of population doing sports should remain the same over a certain period of time?
Address. Two d’s, two s’s, both in noun and verb forms. See this list of words that are difficult to spell.
People do not necessarily — make sure to use the right part of speech.

This is a well-written text with both points sufficiently developed. The writer presents clear arguments to support the suggested ideas.

Essay has clear structure with the exception of the conclusive paragraph, which serves more as a part with additional suggestions to the idea. It is advisable to have a dedicated conclusion that summarises the idea presented in the text.

Both vocabulary and grammar are of appropriately high level. No mistakes were made that would possibly impede understanding of the ideas. Certain minor grammar and vocabulary flaws do not affect overall impression detrimentally.