Technological advancement is not be less than (1) a miracle for the present age. Technology has totally altered the living behavior (2) of mankind on the face of globe. In every single domain of life, we are getting the effect of technological invention very deeply (3).
However innovation in communication technology is indeed a marvelous achievement (4). If we compare today mode of communication to past and it would not take more than two or three decades; we can see a remarkable difference (5). Particularly invention of mobile phone along with internet (6), has just given a new dimension to communication and it just shifted the whole communication paradigm in to a new direction (7).
Hence the way of our today working life is another excellent milestone of technological developments. In daily working life, we can imagine and only sketch a horrible picture of past; how people were performing same activities when these technological equipment were not invented (8).
Furthermore, new invention in working life enables workers to perform at their best; give maximum output by spending minimum time (9). Technology ensures us to make participation and to play our part in ongoing task (10); even our physical presence do not matter (11).
In light of above, I conclude my opinion; the technological advancement has effected (12) both communication and working life to a huge extent. These both (13) aspects of technology can be considered somehow the best part of technological inventions. Technology is playing a vital role in today communication (14) and working life; at one part it is connecting billion of voices around the globe, same at other end it authorized employees and employers to perform their part and can take their piece of work to any corner of the world (15).
The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.
1. Technological advancement is no less than a miracle of the present age — Other suggestions would be ‘nothing short of a miracle’.
2. Totally altered the lifestyle — ‘Living behaviour’ do not collocate. ‘Lifestyle’ is the closest word with the same meaning I could come up with.
3. In every single domain of life, we are experiencing the effect of technological invention very profoundly. — consider using a Simple tense instead of Continuous here. See more on tense basics.
4. However, innovation in communication technology is indeed a marvelous achievement. — A comma is needed here that introduces a new clause. Check this article on starting your sentence with ‘however’.
5. If we compare today’s mode of communication to that of the past it would not take more than two or three decades of going back to see a remarkable difference. — missed possessive case; ‘that of’ makes it clear that modes of communication of past and present are compared; the last suggestion makes it easier to understand that we go back in time for a more contrasting difference.
6. The invention of mobile phone along with the internet — in the first case a particular invention is meant; second case requires a definite article because it is an accepted way of using it with the word ‘internet’.
7. Shifted the whole communication paradigm into (or in) a new direction.
8. When this technological equipment was not invented — equipment is singular. It is also unclear from context what exact equipment is meant.
9. The second clause isn’t independent. It is better to connect two clauses with more conventional means such as as ‘and’ conjunction. There is an excessive use of semicolon throughout the text. See more on semicolons.
10. Technology enables(or allows) us to participate and to play our part in (an/the) ongoing task — the word ‘task’ either needs an article or be used in plural.
11. Presence does not matter. — Presence is singular.
12. Has affected. — Alternatively, a more complex construction could be used that would retain the original word: “has had an effect on…”.
13. Both of these.
14. Technology is playing a vital role in today’s communication — possessive.
15. One one hand it is connecting billion of voices around the globe, while on the other hand it enables (or empowers) employees and employers to perform their part and take their piece of work to any corner of the world. — On one hand… on the other hand is the construction I would use here to showcase two different ways of using technological advancements.
This essay has good structure with all of the points covered. Basic grammar structures are well used. Attempts to use more complex constructions can sometimes be challenging to understand. The excessive use of semicolon is another point that could be worked on.
I would suggest shortening the sentence instead of breaking them up into several clauses. The usage of Continuous tenses should also serve a purpose.