In your English class you have been talking about free time. Now your English teacher has asked you to write an essay.
Write your essay using all the notes and giving reasons for your point of view.
For what concerns1 the recent discussion about how teenagers should spend their spare time, whether it is better to do some leisure activities or relaxing, I think that the latter is the best choice2.
First of all, relaxing is not only lying on the sofa or playing videogames, but also reading a book, trying new skills or watching documentaries. What I mean is that you can also learn new things while chilling out3 ; for instance4 reading a book always includes learning something new, as also watching a documentary or training in a skill you are fond of.
On the other hand, spending time with friends is a great way to chill out5. Going to the cinema, eating in a restaurant, swimming in a pool are only some tips. Moreover, a sport activity, like going walking, could be a way to combine these two things.
However, I have experienced that also lying on the sofa or watching TV are a necessary little part of my free time which I need to relax, therefore relaxing includes also these things.
All in all, I think that relaxing is a good way for teenagers to spend their leisure time because this includes several things they can do.
The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). You can find the commentaries below. The part in italics is from the text, the underlined word is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.
- This isn’t the optimal way to start your essay. The phrase you have used doesn’t exist or occurs very rarely. Check for explanation and alternatives here. It also seems like you’ve picked it up from the middle, as if you were developing on some previous idea.
- Avoid mentioning your opinion at the beginning. Your opinion should be stated in conclusion.
- Don’t forget that FCE Essay should be formal (according to the task, you are writing to your English teacher). ‘Relaxing’, ‘unwinding’, ‘decompressing’ are some more formal alternatives.
- When you introduce some examples with ‘for instance’, it should be followed by a comma.
- See #4
Apart from occasional stylistic inconsistencies, the essay is well-structured and it fully addresses the points. Both grammar and vocabulary are of the required level. Well done!