The pie charts present two different groups of jobs, chosen by men or women in Great Britain in the year of 1992. Overall, the data illustrates1 that both female and male employees mostly chose managerial or professional jobs as well as and2 manual ones, while women, in contrast with male3, also preferred clerical work instead of craft favorited4 by men.
In 1992 the most chosen women job was clerical or related with 31 %, managerial and manual work had similar percentage with 29 and 27 % respectively. Other non-manual professions constituted only 9 %. Crafts and general5 had the lowest mark, the former 3 %, the latter only 1 % of choice.
Turning to the men preferences in jobs, the highest figure had the highest6 professional positions with 36 % of choice followed by manual work with the difference at 10 % and constituted 26 % total. In contrast to women, male employees who work with craft were 24 %. Other non-manual and clerical jobs both showed 6 % and general work had the lower mark with only 2 %.
The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.
- Illustrating is about giving an example. Here the data ‘shows’ or ‘displays’. Note that ‘to illustrate’ is not a universal synonym for ‘to show’
- “As well as” and “and” mean the same thing. Leave one of them and get rid of the other one
- “… while women, in contrast with men/males…” – the word ‘male’ here is an adjective and shouldn’t be used with the noun ‘women’.
- ‘Favoured’ is the word that should be used here
- We are missing a noun here. “General workers/labourers”
- Please make sure not to repeat the same adjective twice, especially so close to one another