User-submitted essay: Science in Schools

Government money should be invested in teaching science than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Governing authorities ought to dedicate a huge amount of money in making pupils learn science in comparison with other subjects, to achieve prosperous growth of a country (1). While I agree that it is essential to imbibe scientific skills in students, I also believe teaching other subjects should not be neglected for the overall growth of the nation (2).

To begin with, there are plenty of reasons to illustrate teaching science for school kids have enormous benefits (3). First and foremost, science has exceeding advantages in terms selecting a variety of fields after completing basic education (4). Furthermore, the need for science graduates is plummeting as the whole world is eager to invent something new every day which in turn require skilled science graduates for thorough research (5).

On the other hand, school kids should also learn other important subjects such as arts, history, sports et cetera. This is because exposure to these subjects will enhance the social skills and allow students to have a brief idea about how our ancestors lived and the challenges faced by them (6). Along with this, dedicating time for arts and sports emphasise on skills such as, how to mingle with others and build the confidence of participation in different sports and arts activities (7).

In conclusion, it is essential to teach science as one of the major subjects in schools, but it should not be thought in detriment of other subjects such as arts, history, and sports (8). In order to nurture kids it is highly essential to teach every aspect of learning different subjects, thus promoting balanced learning curriculum.

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1. Governing authorities ought to dedicate a huge amount of money to/for making pupils learn science in comparison with other subjects, to achieve prosperous growth of a country — mind the preposition.
  2. While I agree that it is essential to imbibe (or cultivate) scientific skills in students, I also believe teaching other subjects should not be neglected for the overall growth of the nation. — I have personally never seen verb ‘imbibe’ used that way. I have suggested an alternative in brackets.
  3. To begin with, there are plenty of reasons to illustrate that teaching science for school kids has enormous benefits — there’s a new clause after the verb, use ‘that’ to bring them together. ‘Has’ refers to singular ‘teaching’.
  4. First and foremost, science has massive/huge/definite/distinct advantages in terms (of) selecting a variety of fields after completing basic education — I have suggested more common adjectives that go with ‘advantages’. ‘In terms of’ is the phrase you need if you mean to say ‘as expressed by’.
  5. Furthermore, the need for science graduates is (sky-rocketing) as the whole world is eager to invent something new every day which in turn require skilled science graduates for thorough research — ‘to plummet’ means ‘to go down rapidly’ which is the opposite of what you meant by your context. I have suggested a possible alternative in brackets. See this list of verbs that mean change — they might come useful in future.
  6. This is because exposure to these subjects will enhance social skills and allow students to have a basic/general idea about how our ancestors lived and the challenges faced by them — I wouldn’t use definite article before ‘social skills’ as it doesn’t point out the skills implied by the article. I also couldn’t find usage of ‘brief’ and ‘idea’ together.
  7. Along with this, dedicating time for arts and sports emphasise on skills such as, how to mingle with others and build the confidence of participation in different sports and arts activities. — Here’s an alternative with some changes: ‘Dedicating time for art and sports teaches children to mingle with others and build up confidence to participate in different sports and arts activities’
  8. In conclusion, it is essential to teach science as one of the major subjects in schools, but it should not be done in detriment of other subjects such as arts, history, and sports — I assume wrong verb has been used here or I could have misunderstood the meaning of it.

The essay has a well-presented argument that contains both positive and negative aspects of the matter in question. There are some inconsistencies with usage of prepositions, but most do not impede conveying the idea of text.

The language has good verbal variety, I couldn’t spot any word being used too often to stand out. There are good examples of more complex sentence constructions in terms of vocabulary, such as: “how our ancestors lived and the challenges faced by them”, “exposure to these subjects”, “in detriment of other subjects”. Some more advanced vocabulary is misused occasionally.