Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Popularity leading to higher revenues
People are divided in their opinion regarding whether a company will benefit from sport adverts (1) or it will cause them drawbacks. This essay takes a look at both sides of the argument and includes my perspective upon this matter.
First and foremost, sport commercials and logo inscriptions play an important role in TV broadcasts and beyond. Due to the fact that there is an increasing number of people watching sports, companies who aim to remain in the public eye offer sponsorships. These considerable sums of money can serve for future improvements. For instance, Oak Arena, a football stadium, was entirely funded by numerous accounts belonging to well-known firms such as Nike, Rolex and BCR, the latter being a chain of fitness clubs. Moreover,enterprises always pursue dramatic growths which regard the level of popularity (2). Paid partnerships are presumably the most common tool towards publicity. Nevertheless, all endeavours would have been in vain if firms had not soared their bottom line sales figure.
On the down side, not all businesses are allowed to participate in this game. Tobacco and alcohol producers represent firm exceptions of the rule for the products they provide are prohibited by athletes themselves. Therefore, since most people are trying to copy sport celebrities there is no room for consumption of unhealthy products. In addition,promoting ones business is not cheap and competition is great (3). Consequently, investments pose an enormous risk and pressure on the shoulders of CEOs. Breaking even sometimes seems unlikely to happen because everything depends on human’s unpredictable behaviour and preferences.
Considering the aforementioned, I believe a lot of thinking should be taken into account prior to making any offer. Albeit, in the majority of the cases companies succeeded in recording overwhelming profits.
The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.
- ‘Adverts’ is too informal, which is inconsistent with the text generally formal style. See more on formal and informal English.
- This sentence should be rephrased, it is unclear what exactly is meant here.
- In addition,promoting one’s business is not cheap and competition is big/huge/tough. — use an apostrophe when showing possession (except for its). ‘Great’ used this way has dubious meaning — it can be both big and welcome. Not a mistake here, but I would suggest using different word to avoid double meaning.
This is a very nice essay — solid and clear structure, good argumentation and fair variety in lexical and grammatical structures. The occasional inaccuracies do not mar the overall positive impression of this decent piece of writing.