The habit of writing letter (1) is declining due to the extreme use of computers and mobile phones. It has been claimed by some individuals that the tradition of writing a letter will vanish completely. I completely agree with the view of writing letter might disappear in the near future (2). In my perspective, the main aim of the letter is to deliver the message from one person to another, if this can be achieved very well from other sources, I do not see the necessity of hand written letters (3).
It is true that the invention of cell phones and laptops have provided a great deal of flexibility for humans (4). In addition, the innovations in the area of communication have dramatically improved which is helping individuals to speak without any barriers (5). In this hi-tech world writing letter may take its own time to get delivered to the intended recipient, whereas talking over phone or mailing will get accomplished in a fraction of a second (6). An instance illustrating this is in action is the applications such as Facebook and Whatsapp which has been extensively used by plethora of people around the world (7).
The habit of writing letter is losing its importance due to the extensive growth in technology (8). The main idea of writing a letter is to convey a message from one person to another, which can also be achieved using messages or dialling the other person. When we can fulfill our task in a much easier and faster way via advanced technologies I do not see the need for the existence of writing letters (9).
In conclusion, the possibility of letter writing tradition may end soon (10). Though, it is not going to affect the community much, since there are better and faster means of delivering the messages.
The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.
- The habit of writing letters (or habit of letter writing) is declining due to the extreme use of computers and mobile phones. — both variants are acceptable here, the original has to be pluralised to be grammatically correct.
- I completely agree with the view (that the practice) of writing letters (or letter writing) might disappear in the near future — same as in the first case, ‘writing letters’ has to be in plural.
- From my perspective, the main aim of a letter is to deliver the message from one person to another, (and) if this can be achieved very well by other means, I do not see the necessity of hand-written letters — ‘From my perspective’ is the expression you need to use here. ‘A letter’ should take an indefinite article as you don’t mean any particular letter. ‘From other sources’ is a bit confusing, you would be better off with ‘by other means’.
- It is true that the invention of cell phones and laptops has provided a great deal of flexibility for humans/The inventions like cell phones and laptops have provided — ‘invention’ is in singular and ‘to have’ refers to it.
- In addition, the innovations in the area of communication have dramatically improved which is helping individuals to speak without any barriers. — it is unclear what is meant by ‘innovations have improved’.
- In this hi-tech world a conventional letter takes time to be delivered to the intended recipient, whereas talking over phone or e-mailing will get accomplished in a fraction of a second — I have changed the first part of he sentence to use a form different from ‘writing letter’.You also have to specify that you mean e-mail and not the more traditional mailing service which deals with written letters that you mention in the first part of the sentence.
- (Two striking examples are) applications such as Facebook and Whatsapp which have been extensively used by plethora of people around the world — I have altered the beginning of the sentence to make it easier to read. Check this article on concise writing that covers the basics of making your essay easy to read. Avoid using unnecessary words.
- (Handwritten letter) is losing its importance due to the extensive growth in technology — ‘the habit of writing letter’ is the exact phrase you used in your introduction. Overusing the same expression lowers your final score. You should show the examiner that your vocabulary is rich and varied.
- When we can fulfil our task in a much easier and faster way via advanced technologies I do not see the need for writing letters — in this case you can trim the second part down to convey the same meaning and make it more grammar friendly. Note the spelling of ‘fulfil’. See this list of hard to spell words to avoid mistakes in the future.
- In conclusion, (there is) a possibility that letter writing tradition may end soon — an auxiliary verb is omitted.
There are two major issues with this essay. The author keeps using the same expression that they took from the task (‘writing letters’). This can seriously harm the final score. The second problem is using wrong articles/prepositions/vocabulary. Make sure you know the basics of articles in English. A better use of commas could also improve the readability and therefore the final score of this essay.