User-submitted essay: Wealth and Technology

Some people think the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others think it is causing the opposite side effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is often thought that the wide variety of technological advancements are rising gap between rich and poor people, whilst other think these advancements are bridging the gap between rich and poor (1). Many arguments have been made for and against effect of technological inventions rich and poor people (2). In this essay, I will discuss both views and give my own position.

On one hand, many people think that the growth in technology reduces the difference between the rich person and poor person (3). This can be attributed to the growing inventions in all fields, which facilitate people to use a range of machinery for accomplishing the tasks, that in turn reduce the dependency on people for accomplishing the task (4). A good illustration is the invention of machineries for weeding, planting, harvesting and food processing which evidently reduce the time and people involved in these tasks and result in huge profit for agrarian society (5).

On the other hand, technology has spread over many areas which act as a trigger point for the increase in gap between wealthy and needy person (6). Even though there are plenty of new machinery rushing to the market each day, they are almost extremely costlier which can not be afforded by an indigent person (7). This, in turn, results in the needy person to go penniless, in contrast, facilitate moneyed man to become wealthy individual (8).

Finally, in my opinion, we are in the 21st century where tremendous growth in technology facilitates people to lead a better life with high quality. There are a lot of positive outcomes due to technological innovations which play a key role in bridging the gap between rich and poor people.

In conclusion, with the recent technological invention, there is a lot of scope for poor people to get rid of manual work and thrive towards raising their standard of living. Therefore, new innovations play a vital role in reducing the gap between rich people and poor people.

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1. It is often thought that the wide variety of technological advancements are widening/increasing the gap between rich and poor people, whilst other think these advancements are bridging the gap between rich and poor (or a shorter ‘bridging that gap/said gap) — the listed verb better collocate with the word ‘gap’, which in turn should be used with definite article as this is a certain gap we are talking of. At the end of the sentence I suggest avoid using ‘rich and poor’ again as it is already clear from the context what you mean.
  2. Many arguments have been made for and against effect of technological inventions rich and poor people — By rich and poor? For rich and poor? A preposition is needed here.
  3. On one hand, many people think that the growth in technology reduces the difference between the rich person and (the) poor person (or the rich and the poor person) — it is important to be consistent with your use of articles here.
  4. This can be attributed to the growing inventions in all fields, which facilitate people to use a range of machinery for accomplishing the tasks, that in turn reduce the dependency on people for accomplishing the task — try to paraphrase this bit — ‘accomplishing the task’ twice in the same sentence really stands out.
  5. A good illustration is the invention of machinery for weeding, planting, harvesting and food processing which evidently reduces the time and people involved in these tasks and results in huge profit for agrarian society — ‘machinery’ is normally used in singular.
  6. On the other hand, technology has spread over many areas which act as a trigger point for the increase in gap between (a/the) wealthy and (a/the) needy person — as the nouns are in singular, there should be an article, either definite or indefinite, used with each of the nouns.
  7. Even though there is plenty of new machinery rushing to the market each day, almost all of it is extremely costly and can not be afforded by an indigent person — ‘Machinery’ is singular. I have altered the second clause the way I understood it. The original was a bit difficult to get right.
  8. This, in turn, results in the needy person to go penniless and in contrast facilitates moneyed man to become wealthy individual — ‘this’ is singular and refers to the verb ‘to facilitate’. The latter therefore should be used in singular too. I didn’t correct ‘moneyed man’ but it is stylistically out of place — try to use a more formal vocabulary in your essay.