User-submitted essay: Second-hand goods

Nowadays many people are buying fewer new things and more second hand goods. What are the possible reason for this trend? Is it positive or negative ?

The trend of purchasing used goods is on the rise in comparison with people buying brand new ones (1). The main reason for this kind of trend is the reduced cost involved in buying second-hand goods (2). In my view, this trend has an adverse effect on the whole society, as it promotes consumerism and fourfold the rubbish produced all over the world (3).

One of the reason for consumers to show a great deal of interest in used commodities is the cheaper rate involved in buying second-hand goods (4). One’s a person purchase any goods and wish to re-sell it, minimum half of the price gets reduced on the goods purchased (5). This promotes people from the middle class to get needed things at a reduced cost in comparison with original price involved in it (6). A recent survey from the OLX (a website for selling used goods ) shows an overwhelming response from people in buying used things in comparison with first-hand commodities (7).

The amount of money incurred in purchasing second-hand goods is increasing drastically, which have a negative influence on the community (8). This is because people are involved in purchasing things which are not necessary (9). This kind of behaviour promotes people to discard the working replicas of things at home and buy new ones at discounted price (10). As an adverse effect of this consumerism, the amount of rubbish produced all over the world has extensively increased. Furthermore, this has drawbacks on the environment as the landfills to fill rubbish is on the rise.

In conclusion, the whole world has modelled buying second hand goods in comparison with first-hand things (11). This can be attributed to the low cost involved in purchasing used commodities in contrast with the high price of getting new things. Though this trend looks beneficial to people, it has adverse ramification on the whole environment.

The commentaries are marked in brackets with number (*). The numbered commentaries are found below. The part in italics is taken from the text, the word underlined is the suggested correction. Words in (brackets) are the suggested addition to the original phrase or sentence.

  1. The trend of purchasing used goods is on the rise in comparison with people buying brand new ones — there are no actual mistakes here, but the reader has to make a logical leap to understand that ‘new ones’ is used in contrast to ‘used goods’.
  2. The main reason for this trend is the reduced cost involved in buying second-hand goods —’kind of’ doesn’t add anything to the text. Avoid littering your text with padding phrases that do not introduce anything new. See concise writing.
  3. In my view, this trend has an adverse effect on the whole society, as it promotes consumerism and fourfold the rubbish produced all over the world — you have used ‘trend’ three times in three successive sentences, all in your introductory paragraph. Consider using a synonym (e.g. ‘notion’, ‘tendency’) or rephrasing your ideas to avoid using this word.
  4. One of the reasons for consumers to show a great deal of interest in used commodities is the lower prices of  second-hand goods — ‘One of the reasons’ — one of many reasons. I have altered the second part of the text (underlined) — don’t make it complicated just for the sake of puzzling your reader. Stick to simpler constructions unless you are sure they won’t cause any confusion.
  5. One is that when a person buys and unwraps a brand-new item, its resale value goes down by at least 50%.— I get what you meant here and corrected the sentence accordingly.
  6. This encourages people from the middle class to get needed things at a reduced cost in comparison with original price involved in it. — I have suggested a more suitable verb. You should also consider dropping the part after ‘cost’ as it doesn’t add anything new.
  7. A recent survey by OLX (a website for selling used goods ) shows an overwhelming number of people buying used things in comparison with first-hand commodities — a survey is held by someone. You don’t need a definite article here — see this entry on English articles basics.
  8. The amount of money involved in purchasing second-hand goods is increasing drastically, which has a negative influence on the community — ‘incurred’ has a different meaning. ‘To have’ in the second clause refers to the situation of increasing, which is singular.
  9. This is because people are involved in purchasing things which are not necessary — it is unclear what is not necessary — the things or the people.
  10. This kind of behaviour promotes people to discard the working replicas of things at home and buy new ones at discounted price — what are ‘the working replicas’? I haven’t corrected this but it has to be rephrased.
  11. In conclusion, the whole world has modelled buying second hand goods in comparison with first-hand things — I can only guess that ‘to model’ here means ‘to show, to demonstrate’. I didn’t correct it as I’m unsure what the author meant by it. As an addition, I wouldn’t ‘first-hand’ to imply that the item wasn’t pre-owned. Stick to a more widely accepted ‘new’, ‘brand-new’.

While text has an adequate structuring and acceptable idea-development, multiple vocabulary inaccuracies make it difficult to understand. An extensive use of padding constructions (e.g. “This promotes people from the middle class to get needed things at a reduced cost in comparison with original price involved in it“) will drive the overall mark even lower. Consider using simpler constructions and breaking longer sentences into shorter ones.